Relationships in Recovery: The Do’s The Don’t and The IDKs

We all have relationship issues in our addiction recovery, we would hardly be human if we didn’t. What relationships are good for us, which ones are dangerous for us, and which ones should we be looking for?

On today’s episode we are going to share about relationships in our recovery that have been amazing support and the ones that have not been good for us to continue to progress in our life in recovery.

We always celebrate recovery time on WeekEnd ReCap so bring your sober dates and spread the love and hope of recovery with the community!

Click Here for the free Recovered On Purpose Relapse Prevention Worksheet

To get your free copy of Adam’s bestselling book, book a call with Adam to share your story, or see the merch shop and other resources, visit: https://RecoveredOnPurpose.org

Navigating Relationships in Addiction Recovery

Recovery from addiction is a journey not just for the individual, but for their loved ones as well. This transformative process reshapes lives and redefines relationships, often challenging the ties that bind us together. Join us as we explore the delicate dynamics of maintaining relationships during addiction recovery.

The Role of Relationships in Recovery

Building a Support Network

Constructive relationships can offer invaluable support. In the early stages of recovery, establishing a stable and positive network is crucial. This network can include family members, friends, or others who have walked the same path to sobriety.

Setting Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is a central theme in the recovery process. Protecting one’s well-being often requires tough decisions about which relationships are nurturing and which could derail progress.

Understanding Codependency

Recognizing Unhealthy Patterns

Codependency is a common challenge in relationships affected by addiction. It involves an unhealthy level of emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, often leading to enabling behaviors.

Fostering Independence

Independence, both for the person in recovery and their partner, is key to breaking the cycle of codependency. It’s about supporting one another without sacrificing one’s own needs or growth.

Communication Is Key

Effective Dialogue

Clear and honest communication is fundamental. Relationships can thrive post-addiction when dialogue is open, and both parties express their feelings, expectations, and concerns.

The Power of Listening

Listening is just as important as speaking. It’s often through quiet understanding and acceptance that bonds are strengthened.

Rebuilding Trust

The Process of Healing

Addiction can breach trust, but recovery offers a chance for reparations. Restoring faith in a relationship doesn’t happen overnight and requires consistent, committed effort from both individuals.

Celebrating Progress

Acknowledging achievements and milestones in recovery can reinforce trust. It’s essential to recognize the progress made, as it’s a collective victory for the relationship.

Conclusion: Growth Through Shared Experience

In the shared experience of addiction recovery, relationships can either be a source of strength or a point of vulnerability. Learning to navigate these associations with care and intention can pave the way to a healthier, more fulfilling partnership. As each person grows individually, the relationship can flourish, becoming a pillar of recovery and a testament to the resilience of human connection.

Remember, no one is alone on this journey. Reach out, seek support, and cherish the relationships that foster a sober, vibrant life.

Full Transcript of Relationships In Recovery Below

what’s up recovered on purpose family thank you so much for being here for this week’s episode of weekend recap right here on the recovered on purpose show today we’re going to be talking about relationships in recovery that doesn’t just mean Partnerships and relationships with the opposite sex or romantic relationships that means friendships that means mentorship that means all the different kinds of connections we’re making with other humans in our recovery super excited to have this conversation with you and remember that we always love to celebrate clean and sober time here so drop your clean dates in the comments so we can celebrate with you love you so much enjoy the show and keep living recovered on purpose the black represents the darkness from which we came the white represents the light in which we now live and the red represents the passion it takes it takes to live recovered on purpose

what’s up everybody happy Friday good to see you all good to see y’all it has been a good week it has been a tough week as you can tell got a little bit of a black eye I told y’all I’m gonna be gonna be coming to the shows a little bit a little bit marked up with this uh with this new training so super excited about it uh Shayla coming in been clean for 10 months let’s go we got the celebration lights for Shayla yes amen amen you got two more months until you are part of the 15 so keep that going whatever you’re doing now keep working it keep working it and uh show everybody that it’s possible it is possible my boyfriend two from amen amen celebration lights are staying on for your boyfriend getting off of it I’ve been talking to some people that are that are hooked on that stuff and it’s a nasty drug it was the last drug I was using um you know I was I was fentanyl I was meth I was crack all that stuff and uh meth just does something to us it does there they’ve done studies and they say that the the amount of dopamine that releases when we use meth is in it’s the most that we can possibly have released from anything else they found on the planet and uh to be able to kick that is a huge huge deal so just congratulating you both and love you both let me turn these off real quick so I can move move through these Jennifer good to see you I know you’re sitting on getting close to uh 15 days good to see you let’s go Anna June 10th 2020 vamos vamos let’s go Anna we got uh what two years and 10 months in three days congratulations a big deal it’s a huge deal we got Diana coming in with six months sober from meth on the 17th of this month let’s go 10 more days and we got six months it’s a huge deal amen and uh keep you know what I found in early recovery a lot of people say that you know you got to wait till a year to use until you sponsor somebody you gotta wait till you do this until you sponsor somebody but for me I have found that as soon as we can start helping other people we start finding that solution so if anybody is trying to hold you back if you’re at three months six months ten months whatever it is from getting out there and helping people just do it just do it if you’re a 12 stepper if you’re working the steps you know make sure that you are at least working on the ninth step before you start taking people through the fifth that and get out there and help people we need more people sponsoring we need more people helping and uh you know Bill and Bob were doing it at like a week sober at like two days sober so there is nothing wrong with getting out there and helping people it’s where the uh it’s where the solution really comes for long term clean for one year from heroin and meth let’s go let’s go amen amen it’s amazing we got part of the 15 and that’s just the study that says that you know 85 of addicts that leave long-term treatment relapse within the first year uh that study includes everything it includes cocaine and marijuana and you know everything alcohol and kicking heroin and meth for a year you know I I was heroin and meth that was that was my my thing too and I just want to congratulate you it’s a huge huge deal it’s a huge accomplishment and now now that you have that year you obviously have some kind of foundation of recovery you’ve done some kind of program whether it’s 12 steps or you know whether it’s church or whatever it is that you’re you’re doing to have that year continue doing that as the foundation now the second year that has come in this is where the magic happens this is where we start rebuilding that life rebuilding finding ourselves you know Finding what we value finding those hobbies that we like to do and doing them get out there love life and enjoy it enjoy it what’s up both of you good to see you Leticia and Marina I hope you come in hi pinky what’s up good to see you happy happy Friday love sign to you good to see you Anna good to see you yes hello everyone proud of you proud of you proud of everybody good evening Lauren good to see you 11 10 18 celebration lights staying on for you we’re coming up on what from what four years we got four years in about a month let’s go and I’ve got shoot I’ve got five years in just under a month one day under a month and I’m going to be sitting on five years and anybody that’s wondering uh these are going to be here you know more and more often right now and I’m gonna I’ll tell you about it whenever they’re here just in case somebody hasn’t heard but when I was like 18 19 years old I just come off like 12 years of wrestling I was training to do MMA I was training for my first fight and I uh my best friend killed himself and I fell off the deep end with drugs and on my way to training one day I overdosed for my first time woke up in the hospital and was too embarrassed to go back and I just I never went back to MMA um and it was it was really sad for me and I I had to let leave it behind and I made the decision a few weeks ago that it I’m not gonna I’m not gonna miss this opportunity with my life something that I’ve always wanted to do so I’m training right now I’m gonna get a fight down here in Colombia I’ve got like 20 pounds to cut down in the next few months um but we’re gonna do it we’re gonna do it and I’m training with some guys that are like really really epic and one of them just keeps hitting me in the face so I’m getting it been so over two years from everything drugs and alcohol yay me yay you good job good job super proud of you way to go let’s go 200 day Brandon what’s up my brother 200 days and just finished my recovery coach training yesterday bro awesome it is so good to see you Brandon and I uh he’s a state championship state champion with me on the Columbine High School football team and uh we went to we went to high school together and Brandon is so good to see you I’m really really proud of you I remember when we first had that conversation and it’s it’s rare bro it is really rare to have someone’s first conversation with them where they’re where they’re struggling and you know they they go and do the work and they stay sober for that long and uh man I just I just applaud you bro it’s really really really good to see you really good to see you I’m gonna turn these off and keep going through these going to reapply at the rehab facility in our town they told me when I reached six months they would hire me amen let’s go 200 days we do recover let’s go proud of you proud of you good to see you Jeremy over on YouTube love you brother uh Hey guys Amy from Illinois just giving a quick shout out before I run in to get my hair done I haven’t gotten my hair done in a while haven’t gotten my hair done in a while I hope that hope that goes great 11 weeks sober 11 weeks sober getting your hair did let’s go Amy yes let’s go Jeremy hanging out over on YouTube good to see you brother always good to see you uh love you bro love you bro two years clean from Coke and Fentanyl we’re celebrating that also let’s go Jason congratulations and that’s a big deal man it’s a big big deal fentanyl is killing people I’m getting two years you’re gonna be somebody that can show other addicts that are struggling with fentanyl that is possible because a lot of us you know and I know that you know this when we’re struggling with that opiate addiction that hardcore craving that withdrawals symptoms and you know we feel like we can never get out we feel like oh that’s that’s not true oh they were just struggling with cocaine or oh they were just struggling with alcohol they have no idea what it’s like to to be addicted to fentanyl you’re one of the ones that can talk to somebody addicted to fentanyl with that mindset and say look dude I did it it is possible and not only possible but it happens if you do this if you do this and follow this follow this way whatever you did to recover brother super excited for you super proud of you thanks for being here mainly weed and cocaine and alcohol was a major factor in my life I’m glad you got off of it takes people down I lost a friend from a fentanyl I’m sorry I’m very sorry hey hey it’s South Jersey coming in strong coming in on Facebook and YouTube Sorry missing it have a great weekend everyone and special shout out to you Adam for all your help and encouragement and replying to my daughter that hits our heart Amy love you so much Amy is what you’re at like 74 days now something like that and on day 60 I was talking to her and she had just gotten her new place she had just gotten her own new apartment um reconnected with her family reconnected with her kids and you know it’s it’s amazing what can happen in recovery we lose so much in addiction and then in recovery we can gain you know a whole bunch of things back and then we get a whole bunch of things that we didn’t even plan on so Amy’s super proud of you super glad you’re here Devon good to see you brother love you too man good to see you amen amen all right 78 days let’s go Amy let’s go congratulations we’re gonna do celebration lights and let’s hop over to talk about relationships we’re going to talk about relationships in recovery today the don’ts the dues and the I don’t knows the I don’t knows so we’ll get into that so first off um relationships in recovery the don’ts and I want you to be listening to these for yourself I want you to be hearing these for yourself and you know becoming aware of anything like this going on in your circle going on in the relationships in your life so that you can make decisions that’s best for you your recovery and your progress in life okay the don’ts people you can’t trust people you can’t trust I for some reason I I’ve had this in me for for a while where I just I can’t be around people that I can’t trust if I if I you know know that they’ve lied or I know that they lie or something like that that’s one thing that’s one form of trust but another thing is like what if what if you actually need this person what if something is going on in your life and you actually need this person to to show up for you what if you’re what if your car broke down on the highway like who are you gonna call if you called that person would they show up can you trust them for something like that can you trust this person to give you wise advice can you trust this person to have your best interest in mind if you have someone that’s in your circle that when you when you ask yourself can I trust them whatever that trust means to you right are they someone that is constantly gossiping about other people if they’re constantly gossiping about other people to you what do you think they’re doing with other people when you’re not there you know for me I I just know that if someone is always talking about other people to me then I know they’re talking about me to other people all the time and I just don’t want that in my life I don’t want to think about it I don’t want to I don’t want to have that in my life so if you feel like you can’t trust someone either address that trust and a really good book for this is uh the Speed Of Trust by Stephen m r Covey it changed my whole view on what trust is like it’s it talks about you know expectations and the right kinds of expectations expectations you put on friends and loved ones and the way that you put the expectations on is by actually having a conversation about it not just not just expecting some one to act a certain way because your perception on life and how they should act may not be their perception on life and how they should act but if you guys have a discussion about something you’re going to do together and I have an expectation that you’re going to show up to dinner at seven o’clock on Thursday because we’re doing a group thing and you’re helping me with with coordinating it is this person going to show up you know can you trust them to show up when they say that and you know that’s it’s a really good just read the book it’s a good one and uh okay the don’ts the don’ts people who tell you you can’t do something and this is something that I recognized you know right before I got to two years clean and sober because in my early recovery I was all about just like connecting with everybody no matter where they’re at I want to talk with them and I want to you know if they’re if they’re struggling I want to constantly talk to them and help them or if they’re if they’re going through this you know I want to be there and like doesn’t matter what they’re doing with life doesn’t matter you know how far they are in their recovery I wanted to be with everybody I just felt like I finally could be a friend to everybody so I wanted to be a friend with everybody and then when I when I started talking about writing and Publishing my book when I started saying that I really wanted to do this I started noticing that certain people you know would say either that I can’t or I shouldn’t because it’ll it’ll hurt my career it’ll hurt my my the the views of what people think of me if I share my story of addiction um and when I when I had this goal in mind that I wanted to do it was really interesting to see the people that were encouraging and say go for it and do this I mean how can I support you um to the people that were like okay yeah sure like I remember one one lady that I that I knew in the fellowships literally rolled her eyes at me like sure you know like that kind of person you don’t want to have in your life somebody that somebody that is pulling you down from the things that you want to accomplish you just you just don’t want to have that in your life because that actually is very contagious it’s very contagious for someone to be in your circle that is constantly telling you you can’t do something you’ll never achieve that or just doesn’t believe in you and the goals that you have so make sure that you are becoming aware of people’s you know messaging towards you and what you want to do with your life if there’s people around your circle that you start noticing don’t celebrate with you when you when you have wins or people that try to get you not to grow out of the circle become aware of it and make some decisions based on that to decide if you want them in your life or not hop them back over here uh Boris what’s up bro good to see you man this is my is my buddy down here in uh in Medellin Colombia uh did you see those pictures from Taco Tuesday they were good we got some good pictures from Taco Tuesday and there’s some good ones to you from that uh from that Mastermind event too you’re looking good bro Pam coming in with uh July 25th 2013 one day at a time from Washington State we got someone in here with what nine years and two months and 12 days Pam it’s always amazing to see you here thank you for staying in this community and showing us that it’s possible it is possible that is you know you’re coming up on 10 years next year the double digits of recovery time man it’s a big deal it’s a big deal I recently got out of a relationship because she wasn’t clean I got her into treatment about two months ago I didn’t push sobriety on her I just told her if you honestly want to live a great life with me and together you will want this for your life and that’s totally fine that’s totally fine there’s there comes a point in our recovery when we have to make a stand for ourselves and our recovery and the life that we want in recovery it is okay to let go of people that are still using that doesn’t mean that you’re you’re cutting them out for the rest of your life or anything you know when they recover you guys can reconnect but it’s contagious the relationships we keep around us are contagious for how we’re going to act in our life if someone is using we’re much around us if someone close to us is constantly using we’re going to be much more likely to use than if we didn’t have that person in our life maybe we maybe we’ll stay strong you know maybe we won’t but I’m not willing to risk that in my life I’m not willing to risk you know being around someone constantly in a relationship that’s shooting up heroin because I don’t know I don’t know I’m sure I could say strong but this is not worth it it’s just not worth it so she went into rehab and currently she’s doing well for herself amen Jeremy that’s good that’s good I was arrested four years ago and over 20 people overdosed him one day on one block in Chicago that could have been me yeah yeah uh I overdosed also and I could be one of the one of the 107 000 from last year um you know we’re all here everybody that’s on this live right now has made it to today we have made it through some some hellish things in our life and each and every one of us has a purpose we have you know we have dreams and we have a life now we have a life that we’re able to build and that’s what the show is about let’s build a life let’s build a life in recovery what is the name of that book again my book is called from chains to saved one man’s Journey Through the spiritual realm of addiction let me see trying not to get the light in it so I can you know I don’t know from chains to saved there you go there you go uh and you can actually pick that book up for free in digital and audio copy at recovered on purpose.com or you can purchase a paperback on amazon.com either one is perfect with me I just want to get my story out so good to see you Colleen I’m from Indiana and I have a month and two days let’s go Billy let’s go Billy congratulations we got we got 30 days Plus in the house it took me shoot it took me a decade to get 30 days my first ever recovery meeting I was 18 years old and I did not actually find recovery until I was 28. so and by recovery I mean 30 days I was trying for a long time in there so Billy congratulations keep it going keep it going amen all right always share your testimony yes congratulations she has a hardcore myth she was a hardcore meth addict and a really great woman with a huge heart and I’m proud of her amen amen go where you are celebrated not tolerated exactly battery dying so I want to say congratulations to all of you moving forward for a better you amen amazing words thank you Tanya good to see you thank you Jesus amen we are here we do recover we are living proof amen amen all right back to the don’ts people from your past who are not changing and this can be a hard one but it is very necessary for our recovery I want you to imagine this okay there’s a psychological proof that we’re only able to hold a certain amount of human connections at any given time at any one time I think the number like the the most Elites of elite Minds in the world like the Tony Robbins is and you know those kinds of people that are like super Elite talk to millions and millions of people they’re actually only able to at the very highest hold relationships with about 130 people at one time like actual connections for someone like me I can’t hold anywhere near that many yet but I want you to imagine every single person that you have in your life is actually holding a slot that is unable to be filled by someone else okay now people from your past people that are still using people that you know are doing things that you used to do whether it’s you know if it’s sitting around playing video games or or you know smoking weed all day or whatever it is that they’re doing from the past the past that you used to do if the only thing that you can connect with someone on is who you used to be then it’s not going to be serving you to become the best you in your recovery it just isn’t so the people from your past who are not working on bettering themselves the people from your past who are who are still doing those things they’re just not going to help you get to the next level of life and recovery and progress to the best you and the whole point of recovery is to make ourselves at the peak potential and the optimal usefulness to God and our fellows to be able to serve people and to become the best us we have to have the best people around us that we can possibly get around us so make sure that you’re being careful about the people in your life from your past who still see you as that person and or just still do all those things that you don’t want to do in your life anymore okay the don’ts relationships with people to fill a void of feeling lonely every single person in recovery especially early recovery experiences loneliness okay that that feeling we’re like I just want to be around people I just want to be around someone and we have to be careful to not just fill that void by seeking validation from someone else and by seeking validation from someone else if we’re literally only trying to be around someone just because we can’t be with ourselves it’s going to serve us way more to seek the issue with us being alone with being with ourselves with being with God than it will for trying to fill that void with someone else with with a human connection and if we are only trying to fill a void of loneliness when we are connecting with someone then we’re actually bonding on something that is not serving either of us because it’s inherently selfish if we’re going at this relationship if we’re trying to connect with this person because we don’t want to feel lonely then they’re not going to be able to be their best self because all we’re pulling out of them is is something to not feel lonely in ourselves and if we’re going into a relationship that you know we want to connect with them on something good we want to connect with them on a common hobby we want to connect with them on on exercise or recovery specifically if we want to do you know different step work with them or if we want to go to a spiritual retreat with them or a church with them you know those kinds of things that means that we have a bond on something good and that’ll fill that loneliness as well but if we’re sitting at our place and we’re feeling lonely so we just need to hit somebody up and use them to fill that void that is going to be causing damage both to them and to yourself because you’ll be learning to to fill that void with someone in a selfish manner rather than working on that feeling within yourself and a feeling within yourself of loneliness my my favorite you know I can’t say which one is my favorite but I really like to go exercise I really like to get into worship I love I love just listening to worship music and just like put my hands up and singing along and stuff love to read love to make videos that kind of stuff things that you want to do with your life you know you can fill that void of loneliness with projects with something that you’re passionate about something that you want to do so enjoy things like that enjoy things like that hopping back over here saying what’s up thank you Jesus amen we are here we do recover we are living proof 300 days sober I think amen let’s go Jeremy congratulations brother super proud of you man I remember what you were probably 150 days something like that when we first met somewhere right around there so it’s good to see you continuing bro we got two more months till we hit that year mark and right after and I know it’s right after uh New Year’s we’ll be celebrating two different New Year’s with you brother super excited for you I finally got it at the age of 59 but my Normie 49 year old daughter says better late than never mom amen amen ain’t that the truth I’ve met people that are well into their 60s that that finally got the message that finally got the desire to get sober and they did what they had to do you know there’s there it’s amazing there’s a lot of people out there that need that message there’s a lot of people that are suffering you know all the way until they die you know and it’s people like you that can show that it’s possible and to show that it’s valuable at any stage so keep going keep talking to everybody keep sharing your your message and uh your recovery with people I love you Pam what’s up Derek hope you’re Dedrick what’s up hope to hope to see you in here Janet by God’s grace and mercy we got May 23rd 2018. Cod meth Orange Texas never give up we do recover keep fighting the good fight we’re all worth it yes we are Janet amen I believe that 100 and I was actually talking to someone earlier today what is the value of one life and man that is a hard question to answer because there’s like there’s no real value that you can put on a human life and each life is that value someone that’s out there suffering in in addiction the value of helping them and saving them and helping them find recovery I can’t even put a number on it I can’t put a value on it because they’re so worth it they’re so worth it and we all are we’re all and now that we’re in recovery we are a hundred percent worth that life that we’ve always wanted to live those Hobbies we’ve always wanted to do the activities we’ve always wanted to do the bucket list we’ve always wanted to do each and every person in here is worthy of the life that you want to live it’s just true this is true I have one year clean after 35 years of alcohol and drug use one year Tanya congratulations super proud of you it’s amazing I love it one year part of the 15 now now you got to share it with others time to share it with others what’s up Elizabeth and Amanda hope to see you in here Amanda thanks for tagging people amen amen tagging all kinds of people I have to go family good to see you Jeremy thanks Adam keep up the amazing work over and out my brother love you Jeremy God is the only one who can fill the void Daniella I agree I agree and God created us to connect with other people a hundred percent a hundred percent he connected he he created us to be in community to have Partnerships to to love people to have friends to have community and you know I believe that you know I believe the same thing I I have I’ve gotten to a point you know because in early recovery I definitely had a lot of those moments where you know I I just needed to be around someone I just felt too lonely and that kind of stuff and then as it progressed and I started to recognize and become self-aware of that feeling Within Myself and what the actual solution was that it was never about just needing to be around someone it was just needing to be okay with myself and be okay with what I was doing be okay with my life and feel good about the life that I’m living and then I was able to connect with the right people that you know I I can’t remember the last time I actually felt lonely I I just this is just an epiphany right now and the feeling of loneliness doesn’t really hit me anymore it’s interesting really interesting mic drop fire Target 100 yes long time no see glad to catch an episode finally Wendy good to see you Livingston June 10th 2022 amen let’s go coming up on what four months and three days super proud of you Wendy uh love to see you here good to see you amen love your show love you Daniella each life has so much value amen guys we’re gonna take a quick 30 second break when we come back we’re gonna go through the dues and the I don’t knows the I don’t knows see in a second what’s up recovered on purpose family I hope you’re enjoying this episode as much as I do when I’m making them guys if you’re getting any value from this if you’re seeing any golden nuggets that you want to share with your community make sure that you are you’re sharing it with your groups you’re sharing it with your personal page or your pages or to that one person that you’re thinking of right now and their messenger so that they get this message and guys the brand new recovered on purpose website is up and it has a whole bunch of different uh merchandise and resources and the free calls with me so make sure you’re checking out recovered on purpose.com after the show and if you are a loved one of an addict if you have a kid that’s suffering an addiction I’m now doing free calls so we can strategize and find out how we can get them clean and keep them clean love you guys so much and enjoy the rest of the show amen amen and I also am doing the free calls with addicts and Recovery who want to share their stories with the world uh still doing the recovery speakers share your story powerfully course getting new people in it we’ve had some graduates of it that are certified recovered on purpose recovery speakers getting on podcasts getting some professional gigs have someone that uh got her first paid gig in the first 30 days that she started the program so if you want to do that head on over to recovered on purpose.com and book a free call with me so we can talk about your story and see if you’d be a good fit for the course all right the relationships in recovery the dues these are the relationships that we want to look for we want to connect with we want to hold value with and you know keep them in our life the dues other people in recovery who are working on bettering themselves yes we definitely want to be in a community that has other people that are working on their recovery other people that have been through the past that we have been through and are working on bettering themselves now early on in my recovery I made the decision that I you know I just can’t be friends with addicts and early early recovery that I meet in the rooms that I don’t see doing the work because in my experience people that that are in early recovery that don’t do the work to recover they don’t stick around and it’s like a trauma cycle for me it was it was like okay I’m I’m connecting with this person I’m loving this person I’m being friends with them everything and then I’m talking to them and all of a sudden they’re not answering calls all of a sudden they’re not showing up all of a sudden you know I don’t know where they’re at and then you know I hear like a month later oh yes he’s out relapsed and doing really bad right now and I don’t know where he’s at and that kind of stuff and what I found my best friend now my best friend I met him in his first week and I had this conversation with him I was like dude you’re one of the ones that is just you’re a heartbreaker you’re a heartbreaker because you’re such an amazing person you have such a good heart and if if you go back out it’ll break my heart so if you’re not if you’re not doing the work I just can’t I just can’t be friends I just can’t keep talking and connecting and things and then when he’s when he started doing the work when he got that sponsor when he when he was talking about the steps when he went through the steps and everything and I was watching how he was progressing in this area of life in this area of life in this area of life we just got deeper and deeper and deeper in connection and now he’s he’s married has his first kid bought his second house has his own business and all this stuff and he was homeless just like me he was a homeless addict just like me heroin and everything you know and that’s the beauty of it when I’m when I’m connecting with people in recovery it’s a bond like we are we are the passengers of a sinking ship that found our way to the life raft us that are in recovery you know we have we have a common connection with being from something in our past that was horrible that was horrific and we have a lot of us have a common solution the common solution for me is recovery in God that’s it we all we all have recovery we all had to find something higher you know than ourselves and Drugs in order to recover so if we have that commonality plus we’re doing work on bettering ourselves you know in recovery we want to be connecting with the other people in recovery that are working on bettering themselves that have those goals that have those dreams that are inspiring to be around because they’re doing the work to better their lives so that’ll make us want to better Our Lives that’ll make us show up in a different way when we’re surrounded by people that are showing up in that way so we want to be we want to be looking for the people that are bettering themselves in recovery and you know be careful connecting with people that are not doing the work that are not you know constantly in recovery that aren’t doing those kinds of things because it can be a trauma cycle I’m telling you I’ve been through it the dues people with similar interests in Hobbies like you it’s it’s a really good thing to Branch out from fellowships from recovery communities from you know having a common Bond of our past into communities that are common bonds for the way that we want to live our life now uh for me now I’m I’m doing paddle tennis a couple times a week I have a really cool Core group of friends we go and play a couple times a week it’s a fun activity it’s exercise and you know we’re able to have conversations during that no one else in that Community is an addict no one else in that community that I that I go play with and stuff um are are in recovery or anything sometimes they’ll even have beers after after paddle tennis which is fine because we’re we’re connected on something completely different than addiction and recovery and it’s something that is good for my life it’s something that’s good for all of us around and you want to get connected with communities outside of recovery so that you can reintegrate into society as someone that is a welcome member in society not just someone that has this past of addiction not just someone that was addicted to heroin and addicted to meth and these kinds of things because you’re not anymore you’re not just that person you’re someone that that loves to play basketball you’re someone that loves to read books you can find book clubs you can find these these types of groups that aren’t all centered around recovery so that we’re working on other things that we love in our life and the cool thing about that is when we’re connecting with people when we have common values with them and common things that we like we we have a deep a deep connection with them we’re able to make some really cool friendships with that and and it reminds us that we’re valuable outside of our addiction our identity is not our addiction our identity is not our addiction you got to remember that you’re you’re not just an addict anymore you are someone who has recovered from addiction and your identity can beat all kinds of you can build your identity your identity is in God and who who God created you to be and the beautiful thing about that is God created each and every one of us uniquely and differently and perfectly and different from everybody else we have our own goals we have our own passions we have our own purpose and it’s time to chase them and it takes people outside of the fellowships just as much as it does people inside you know so be looking for those hobbies that you like to do those activities you like to do connect with people in there hoping back over here I wish more people would realize how crucial support from family and friends and or is in being and staying sober now I I agree I agree 100 that it is it is important when we have that family community and I’ve met a lot of people that just they don’t have that that that family to do that with they don’t have that supportive mom maybe mom is struggling now maybe maybe the dad isn’t in the picture you know and I think that if you have that type of family it is absolutely crucial to have them supporting however I believe that you can recover a hundred percent even if you don’t have family support I’ve watched it over and over and over and over in my recovery personally I’m blessed to have an amazing amazing family um I had to get cut off for a while when I was out there because it was just too hard to see me but as soon as I was ready they were there for me and I don’t know if I would have made it without them but anyone out there that that is struggling with that family unit support just know that you can build Fellowship you can build connections with other support systems and you you can recover you can recover it is possible amen amen good to see you Kimberly and Miguel Michael good to see you if you’re in here James Williams and Kimberly good to see you all I pray that more people realize how imperative yes for is one’s being and staying sober amen first time Watcher literally touched on what I’m going through yes I have about six months but well I’m gonna celebrate the six months with you let’s go Tim I’ve been in complete isolation focusing on my recovery health Etc I can’t remember the last time I was out of the house socializing and Tim you know that’s not a bad thing and hear me on this hear me on this six months seems like a very long time when you’re at six months clean and sober okay when you are when you are getting to know yourself again when you are working on your recovery your health Etc make sure that you are seeking things that that light you up passions you might have activities you used to do or you always wanted to do hobbies that you used to do that or hobbies that you always wanted to try and it’s really cool now okay it’s really cool the state of the internet if you wanted to you know I I always use because I only have my own examples like sports I I you know I just joined a sports club the Denver Athletic Club in Colorado and then I started plugging into the basketball group started plugging into the squash group and started playing with them just at home right now you can make a list of hobbies you want to try Hobbies you’ve always wanted to do and then you can Google you know the city you’re in and you know Basketball Club book club uh paddle tennis club things like that and then it takes a little bit of boldness the first time a little bit of boldness to be willing to go but you can make you can make all kinds of different relationships in those communities when you are going towards something that you’re all doing together right fellowships are amazing the AAS the cas the nas all those are incredible to meet people and everything and if you are working on recovery health Etc there is there’s all kinds of communities that you can plug into and make sure that you know be honest about your situation that was one of the best things that I’ve done in my recovery uh from the very start was basically if you were connecting with me within five minutes of meeting me you know how long ago it was that I was homeless and addicted to heroin and meth and the reason why I did that was to make sure just to make sure that my community knew where I come from but also like what I’m working towards because if I’m being bold about my recovery being bold about my story then then it it causes more connection with people who haven’t been through that and you’ll see you’ll see that for yourself so start looking up some some different Hobbies you want to do some different activities you want to do if you’re working on your health you know focus on that you know look up some CrossFit Gyms you know that’s CrossFit people it’s like a freaking cult not in a bad way but like CrossFit people are so connected with one another if you show up to CrossFit on the same day at the same time three days a week the same people are gonna be there every day you’re there and you will connect with them so whatever it is you want to do start looking it up in your area and enjoy it and I’m super super proud of you for the six months brother and don’t feel bad about taking some time for yourself it’s actually a really really strong place to come from a really strong place to come from proud of you for doing it York PA 101318 managing sober living houses for a recovery Ministry for the last three years congratulations the sober Samurai the sober Samurai I don’t know if I want to mess with this guy I don’t know if I want to mess with this guy the samurai congratulations on the uh oh you’re coming up on four years you got six days till four years let’s go so so good addiction is no longer your identity it’s true amen amen amen all right we’re gonna hop over to we got some more dues uh uh right we got the dues people who push you to better yourself and cheer on your goals and dreams so these are the kinds of people that are in your life that when you when you say you want to do something you know they push you to do it they’re working on something in their own life because they’re confident in what they’re doing they know that they’re going on this path they have this this goal that they’re doing maybe they’re working on this certain kind of schooling so that when you come to them and you’re like hey I’m actually going to start my my training to be a certified addictions counselor they’re like heck yeah dude where are you doing to that what time what you know what day are you starting that kind of stuff the people that push you to be better and when you’re in a circle when you’re in a community and people are continuing to progress in their own lives it should inspire you to better yourself in your own life and hear me on this if the people around you are bettering themselves they’re doing things that you know are are you know goals dreams they want to do this so they do it they want to start this hobby so they do it they want to write a book so they do it if that causes something in you that makes you resent them for doing that you need to take a real deep look at yourself with that okay that’s not a resentment towards them it’s a resentment towards yourself maybe you haven’t found that hobby you want to do maybe you haven’t found that goal or that purpose or that or that passion project that you want to work on it’s really important that you that you have these things in your recovery you have these goals these goals that are stretched out six months a year maybe even three years for some of us right with uh with you know different education or different specific goals and it’s good to be working towards these things and having people in your corner having people in your circle that hold you accountable to them that talk to you about them that ask you about them that push you to be better because when you’re working on your goals when you’re working on your dreams and you’re actually doing the steps towards them not just talking about the things you want to do like nobody wants to hear that you want to write a book one week and the next week you want to you know start a business and the next week you want to get healthy and then they never see you you know writing they never see you uh going to the gym and they never see you you know doing anything to start a business nobody wants that in their life so b b someone who stands by what they want to do make a decision and take the necessary the necessary action steps towards that decision because that’ll Inspire the people around you also that’s the whole point you want to show up as the person that you would have someone else in your friend group be if you show up as a friend that is that is passionate and that is you know always pushing other people in a good way in a positive way and cheering people on and encouraging people with the life that they’re living and the choices that they make and giving good advice if they’re doing things that don’t take them towards that goal then what that does is it inspires those people to act the same way towards you because they see how that makes them feel and they want to pass that back to you so show up in your community as someone that is encouraging cheering on and someone that is working towards the life that they want and you’ll notice your circle getting greater and greater at being themselves right so and enjoy that process showing up for people is an amazing thing that we’re able to do in our recovery that we’re never able to do in our addiction I was never able to actually show up in a connected relationship in my addiction I just there there was just nothing I could do I I was able to you know be friends with people and and that kind of stuff but you couldn’t really count on me you couldn’t really count on me because I was using drugs and I would a hundred percent if I was sick and I had to go meet the dope man and I had to wait for two hours and and it’s six o’clock and we have a we have a dinner date at 6 30. I’m gonna get there at eight o’clock because I got to meet the dope man first sorry but now in our recovery we actually have the ability to hold to what we say we’re gonna do with our friends we have the ability to encourage people and we have the ability to actually hold true to who we are and what we want to do with our life so show up like that and enjoy the process enjoy the process of becoming the person that you’ve always wanted to be it’s an amazing feeling it’s an amazing feeling accomplishing things you’ve always wanted to accomplish feelings of resentment when seeing others succeed is actually resentment towards self amen Revelation amen thank you for being here Daniella good to see you the dues this is a big one this next one is a big one God this is like the the relationship this is the relationship that you want to build and the beautiful thing about a relationship with God is that there is no end to the progress that you’re able to make in this relationship this friendship this sonship this you know this intimate relationship getting to know God his call for your life his purpose for your life his unconditional love for you all of that seeking that out and building that relationship with him talking with him and praying to him and listening to what he has to say meditating on his word and just really getting into this relationship you will find out more about yourself more about your potential more about your call your purpose what you’re what you’re here to do and you’ll get more contentment joy happiness all of the good peace Serenity all of that stuff comes from first a relationship with God that is secure that that you just know who God is for you and what he has you here to do when you have that solid foundational relationship all the other relationships are multiplied Sevenfold by Seven Fold by seven-fold because when you have that relationship to bring into other relationships you you show up in a different way with a different light with a different positivity with a different type of encouragement for others because if you have this deepness and this closeness with God you you know his love for people if you are working on getting to know God’s love for people there’s no end to it there is no end to the knowledge of God’s love because it’s it’s so infinite our mind cannot possibly it can’t grasp onto it so we can constantly learn about it every day and the more you learn about God’s love for you and everybody on this planet it’s really really really difficult to to show up in a connection with someone without doing everything you can to show them love it’s it’s not possible truly truly knowing God’s love for people it’s it’s it’s not possible not to love people I just I that’s my experience it is and I’m like I’m really feeling this right now because it’s so true like God’s love for everybody here is is so deep and so profound that if we grasp on to that and we’re able to you know desire giving that to other people the relationships that we’ll make and the value that we’re able to bring to those relationships we can’t even imagine it we can’t even imagine it this is actually something that honestly uh in the beginning of my MMA training and I’m working on this I have a one-on-one session with someone tomorrow because I told him this is what I’m struggling with like I I know that I’m I can fight I know that I can I can you know damage and do that kind of stuff but in training I’m like you know you know I I’ll hit somebody and like it when I get them good I’m like oh dude I’m sorry you know like because because for so long I haven’t I’ve only wanted to love people so much you know I’ve wanted to love everybody I don’t want to harm anybody and that kind of stuff and I’ve got to switch that mentality inside of fighting because you know it’s just a different atmosphere it’s just a different atmosphere and what he said was dude my my mindset when I come in here is totally different I’m an animal I am an animal so and it’s really interesting that to to become the best self at anything at anything you’re doing relationships Health uh business career whatever it is the first thing that has to be worked on is mindset how you’re showing up in this how are you going to show up in this relationship and when we get to know God in the mornings you know first thing in the mornings we get to know what his purpose for our day is and we really get to know him our mindset towards the day will completely shift because in that day we want to show up with God’s love we want to show up to that that meeting that we have with those people with with God inside of us and we want to make decisions based on that and when we show up like that with God in every other relationship it is it is the most attractive thing to people here and they don’t even know what it is really interesting when you when people are just like I don’t know I don’t know what it is about you I just like I just I just feel you I just feel connected with you and sometimes I’ll be like yeah that’s God he’s just telling you he loves you you know he’s just telling you he loves you through me like I literally say that sometimes and sometimes I just you know just say well yeah we’re connected in this way or that way but I know it’s because I’m bringing God into it I just know that and so the dues bring God get a relationship with God amen amen amen William I really struggling someone close to me has the same clean time as me and then I relax and they stay clean and keep doing good and I end up experiencing a lot of resentments towards these people William

do you have a sponsor do you have someone to go through this with there’s something called inventory and I’ll go over this really quick okay so on this okay on a sheet of paper you’re gonna write

person’s name and write a column okay and I’m going to try to make it so you can see this with the light let me see if I can shut this off okay so you’re gonna write person and the line right like this okay so let’s say it’s Joe okay then you’re going to write

the resentment you have Joe and then the resentment you have in my rule with writing a resentment towards somebody when you are writing something that someone has done that you know makes you resent them you have to use 19 words or less you’re not going to write an entire life story you got to get really clear on what it is you resent about this person so uh as me and then I relax and they stay clean and keep doing good and I end up experiencing a lot of resentments towards these people okay so let’s say Joe um you know he got a new job and girlfriend and has the same

clean time as me okay she’s gonna write that here so you know if that’s if that’s the case Joe and then he got a new job and girlfriend and has the same clean time as me if that’s actually where the resentment is coming from that’s what you write in the resentment column okay and then next you’re going to talk about what it affects what it actually affects in your life and these can be uh your money a pocketbook and this is straight from this is straight from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and this is something that is extremely extremely valuable to do in these situations for self-reflection and self-knowledge about why it is that we’re feeling this way towards someone else because it’s never about them it’s never actually about them it has something that we need to process internally and we have to be willing this will take you 10 15 20 minutes tops to do write down every person that you’re resenting and the resentment then if it affects your pocketbook your personal relationships your sex relationships uh your pride or your self-esteem

okay so if this resentment he he got a new job and girlfriend and has the same clean time as me does that affect your pocketbook probably not does it affect your personal relationships it might depending on who the girlfriend is depending on that kind of stuff it might I’m going to say no does it affect your sex relationships no affects pride and self-esteem okay so what about it what about it is affecting my pride okay this person has the same amount of clean time as me and they are going at a faster Pace than me they they I don’t feel good about what I’m doing because they’re doing so good so if that’s why it’s affecting your pride and self-esteem then write that you know it’s it affects my pride and self-esteem because I want to be doing better and that’s what you’ll find you’ll find I want to be doing this with my life this is what I want to be doing and I’m not doing it you know maybe that’s maybe that’s the case and then what you can do is find out what that thing is that you actually want to do that would make you feel whole and complete in yourself and I’m going to turn this back on and that’ll make you feel whole and complete in yourself getting it on paper with a pen and becoming really aware of why it is that you have that resentment and then clearing it out in yourself of you know what it is about your life internally that is causing that resentment um you’ll get really clear on what you need to do action step wise action step wise because usually same as complaining there’s there’s something about complaining that they found in Psychology that that complaining is actually masking a an action that we need to do and we know we need to do that we’re unwilling to do so we complain instead of doing it because we don’t actually want to do it and sometimes and I have the same experience I when I when I resent someone for something specific you know it comes out something inside of me comes out and I’m like oh yeah that’s right I wanted to be fighting and I’m resenting this person because he has a girlfriend and he’s a fighter you know or or you know whatever whatever it is and what it does is it reveals something internally that we can actually work on okay because if we if we are resenting someone then that’s all it is that’s as far as we’ll be able to go is resent that person and then resentment is the number one killer for people like you and me that’s what takes us out that’s what makes us drink again that’s what makes us use again so when we get to a point where we’re recognizing resentments in our life we need to take the 10 15 or 20 minutes to write out our resentment list and then take this to someone that has done it before and share it with them talk to them about it see what needs to happen and if there was something said to this person like uh you know if you and I’ve had I literally made amends last month to like four people you know new amends in my recovery here in Medellin Colombia and it’s the process of making the amends if you actually did something if you said something to this person that you know was to bring them down or something um you know making the amends for that you’ll actually clear out that resentment for yourself you’ll help them and that’ll make it so that you can take the steps necessary to act on what’s going to cause you to get rid of this resentment and maybe it’s maybe it’s literally just you want to do some steps in your life you want to get in the gym you want to read that book you want to go to school you know whatever it is that you want to do it’s time to do it it’s time to do it I love you brother thank you for being here and thank you for being honest and bringing this to the to the discussion I love it amen yes he’s our daily bread amen amen I would really love to participate in your program could you please repeat or send me that information thank you in advance I will put it up right now uh it’s recovered on purpose.com you can actually on my page the uh the link to the website is wherever the link to the website is on a Facebook page and uh you can go there book a free call with me and we’ll talk about your story and see if you would be a good fit for the course amen amen all right Deborah don’t use what you heard about someone to judge everyone I joined a lot of groups reading notes on how to get past the pain of heartbreak my husband left me our children with no reason why at night I couldn’t sleep in fact I wasn’t myself for months till a friend told me about this relationship uh

yeah that’s spam sorry for reading that uh facts I know that certainly applies to me amen every day is a new beginning amen all right we have one more and because we went through the don’ts we went through the dues and this is the I don’t know the I don’t knows relationships in recovery the idol knows a romantic relationship at any point in your recovery this is something I do not speak on this is something I don’t know if it’s good for you I you know if it’s good for you and listen to that voice listen to God listen to your support system that really knows you make sure that you are connected with this person in ins in a way that is not to fill the loneliness void because you will it will damage both of you but I am not someone that believes that nobody should get in a relationship in the first year I believe that is absolutely something that works for some people I don’t believe that anybody should make a rule or a boundary like that I think that it’s there for a good reason because we’re working on ourselves and our foundation and things like that but I’m not someone that will ever tell someone what they should do in their romantic life that is something that God lines up at perfect timing so I don’t know about that relationship you know better than I do and God knows better than both of us so listen to his advice and I don’t give advice on romantic relationships I love you guys so much have an amazing amazing weekend tomorrow I have an incredible incredible guest coming on at uh 10 a.m Central for the guest Saturdays and he has done over a thousand podcast episodes like when you hear him talking on a podcast it is he’s a podcaster and he’s built a multiple six-figure podcast and he’s all about personal development uh mindset and we just had an incredible incredible conversation so hope to see you guys there love you so much keep living recovered on purpose

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