Approximately the same: addiction is not your identity

“Once an addict, always an addict.”

“You’re an addict just like me.”

“You’re no different than anyone else in here.”

“Terminally unique.”

All these quotes we hear about our disease and about the people around us in our fellowships or life that share a common disease are killing our mentality and ability to do what we are called to do and become who we are called to be.

We will be discussing these and more common phrases that need to be put in context. For more information on Recovered On Purpose, to get your free copy of Adam’s book, see the merch shop, or book your free call with Adam, visit the all new https://RecoveredOnPurpose.com

Read The Transcript Below

since the light in which we now live and the red represents the passion it takes to live recovered on purpose

good morning good morning good morning and welcome to the recovered on purpose show i’m so happy that you are here on this labor day day long weekend guys i didn’t i forgot that it was labor day until yesterday when i was working and i was reminded by some people i was sending emails to that today’s labor day so there’s some things that some people are taking the the day off i hope that you got the day off you got a long weekend and you are just taking this day to reflect you’re taking this day to enjoy yourself enjoy your family maybe some barbecues that kind of stuff man we just have so many blessings in recovery so many blessings and today i titled this approximately the same addiction is not your identity and we’re gonna go over some some things some saying some different uh you know cliche things that we hear in fellowships or we hear people say about addicts and recovery we’re gonna be talking about you know how these need to be contextualized and thought about if they’re being said because if we internalize some of this stuff that’s said about addiction about addicts in general or about who we are then we’re going to allow that to pull us down and not let us fulfill on everything that god has for us let me go ahead and turn this to do not disturb because i forgot to do that and i am so glad this is the topic today thank you kelly i’m really why do why do you say that you’re glad that this is a topic today because guys while we’re doing this feel free to be commenting what you think if you have any opposing views i want to hear them so that we can kind of you know talk together through this stuff and if you’re dealing with any of this stuff right now in your life let me know let me know some things that you’ve been uh you’ve been hearing let me know some things that you’ve been feeling or thinking and let’s work through this let’s work through this so let me know where you’re coming in from let me know your clean and sober date so we can celebrate that we always celebrate the uh the recovery milestones here so guys i’m gonna tell you a little story about where this comes from approximately the same i was trying for years to get clean and sober i was i was sick i was you know heavily addicted but i was showing up to 12-step fellowships every single day for a long time for a long time and everything i say comes from a a deep deep deep love and a deep deep passion for our recovery community for the fellowships i don’t ever say like what i’m a member of i don’t attribute anything or my success necessarily to any specific fellowship but what i was hearing in these fellowships and in the recovery community in general a lot of it was the same and when it was being said to me it was being said to me in a way that i could just accept it in however i was understanding it at the time and it wasn’t working for me because i had this faith i’ve always had this faith that god god created each and every one of us for a specific purpose he created each and every one of us unique and different from everybody else with different giftings with different passions with different desires and in that process of knowing that and going to a fellowship you know that says that we’re all the same you know we’re we’re all we’re all you know the exact same person we have the same disease so that makes us the same person and i just i couldn’t identify with that i couldn’t identify with being told that because i’m sick i’m the same as everybody else and i got actually in my last month of recovery a lot of you may have even heard this already but i got this tattoo right here right here and i got it with the with the guys with the kind of mask of the aquarius sign because i’m aquarius but the reason why i actually got it was it’s also the approximate sign it’s also the approximate sign and in math basically like uh we’ll go like this i’ll write it down and show you

so let me see you can see this can you see this maybe okay so pi is approximately 3.14 because pi goes on forever it goes on forever 3.14 and they put approximately because you can’t really get the exact number right and when i got this tattoo it was like in the last month of my addiction and it meant a lot to me because yes when i go into a fellowship i identify with being an alcoholic i identify with being an addict i identify with that stuff but when you’re telling me that i’m the same as everybody else it battles with so much internal belief that i have in this faith in god that he created me beautifully and wonderfully made different unique passionate about different things i was struggling with being able to identify as the same as everybody else right so i did approximately and when i did that and i and i internalized that you know yes i identify with that but i don’t identify that we’re all the same right it helped me to start to break out of the shell of having to do everything the same as every single other person and that really really helped me to find recovery and good day aaron i’m gonna hop in here south jersey strong what’s up jeremy always hopping in brother good to see you good to see you hey family amen brother 7 8 96 what’s up angie good to see you that’s amazing thanks for coming in we got someone in here that has what you have uh 16 years 16 years clean and sober coming into the community and supporting us showing us that you know it’s possible or wait that’s 26 years 26 years of recovery coming in and showing us how possible this is angie thank you so much for being here great to see you great to see you let me uh all right just going to concentrate on listening to you love you jeremiah love you brother after dealing with guilt and shame of my own and from others in my family it is a daily weight trying to find my new self a new purpose and forgiving the old me this has been my biggest struggle and then we’re going to talk about that today we’re going to talk about that today let me make a note

trying to find my new self new purpose

and forgiveness of self

amen we’re gonna go over that love this family positive energy yeah guys and i i did a show with someone on friday a good friend of mine rob and we were talking about this community like because he was talking about the people that comment and like how much positivity and everything and he he said something about you know he was proud of me for for building this space right and what i said was you know and i truly 100 believe this that everybody in this community has made this it hasn’t been it hasn’t been me i’ve just been doing the work to you know make a space for everybody to come together and everybody that’s in here it’s constantly love this family positive energy good day feel that sober energy good morning good morning good morning everybody and it’s always this positive this positive community here lifting each other up i watch in the comments i’m always in the comments i’m always replying on different memes and different posts and things and everybody in this community is constantly lifting each other up and i just think that’s an incredible incredible thing to have with with being from all kinds of different places right i know that there’s all different states here from the united states i know aaron’s coming in from australia i’m coming in from many in colombia and we’re able to do this in such an amazing way together and you all just make this you make this worth doing you make this you know you make me feel good about what i’m doing because i know that you know it’s creating positive energy with all of you we’re all lifting each other up amen good morning good morning good morning from livingston montana let’s go wendy good to see you jess coming in from ohio and really quick again the uh the topic kansas what’s up kansas okay really quick the uh the topic is approximately the same your i your addiction is not your identity and i was talking about how you know when i was trying to get clean and sober the last few months everybody was telling me how i’m just the same as everybody else and you know everybody else is the same when you walk into a fellowship or you walk into a room you’re the same as everybody else you’re an addict and all that and i had this struggle internally because i knew i knew that god created each and every one of us with a unique purpose with a unique heart with a unique mind and it’s different than everybody else on this planet so i was struggling with that and i got this tattoo that is the approximate sign so like pi is approximately 3.14 because it keeps going and going and going yes i identify with you know i was an addict i was an alcoholic when i walked into these different fellowships and i could identify with that there’s a whole lot of other things that i don’t identify with when someone gets up and speaks about you know their history of you know a a dui where they got an accident and that kind of stuff or they did six years in prison or you know these different stories i just don’t identify with it and and i i couldn’t say that i’m the same as that i’m the same as that and i don’t identify that addiction is our identity just isn’t we’re all unique that’s what makes us us amen amen coming in from virginia what’s up jewel philly pa 6 3 18 let’s go showing others that there is no one path to recovery is so important amen amen we are all different and we all recover differently we may use most of the same tools but creating a program that keeps us clean is an individual and personal thing and it’s refreshing to hear others get that amen a hundred percent a hundred percent even if you are a 12 stepper i’m a 12 stepper i actually was able to last weekend take someone through this through all 12 or we got through all the first nine steps in that weekend and i’ll always be a a 12 stepper i think that it’s an incredible solution incredible practice to get somebody to a place where they can build a life again and the interesting thing is that a lot of people would say oh you can’t do the steps that fast oh you can’t do this or you can’t do that you can’t do it that way because they think that their way is right and it’s wrong it’s wrong to say that one person’s way is wrong and your way is right and what i experienced is that this person that i took through the steps she had she had never had a real faith in god she had never really believed in god and in the first day of doing the work together she was crying with a spiritual experience that she was experiencing god and really truly believed and now all she’s practicing is her relationship with god and that’s that’s my whole premise of recovery that’s my whole purpose of recovery is how do i get deeper and closer with god because the more i know god the more i’ll know his purpose for my life which is unique and different than everybody else on the planet and the more that i know it the more that i’m able to follow it and the more that i’m able to follow it the more people i’m able to serve because that’s the ultimate goal of recovery how can we serve more people so approximately the same your addiction is not your identity i get it i get it let me take a sip of coffee for this one

i get it that

that we identify as addicts we identify as alcoholics but that is not your identity as a human being we have a when we when we pass away we have a tombstone on that tombstone there is a year that we were born in a year that we passed away in between those two years there’s a dash in that dash not one of us in recovery is supposed to have that dash the most important thing that happened be i got clean that is not the purpose that is not your identity that is not your call for that to be the number one thing that you did i i get it that it’s the it’s the hardest thing that i ever did so far was to was to get clean and sober to fight heroin meth and crack and be able to get through that but that is not the identity that i’m going into my life with to serve people with i’m always going to be serving my community that are addicted that are struggling the people in recovery that want to find purpose that want to find a value to their life and add a value to other people’s lives i’m always going to be doing that but i plan on doing a lot of other stuff that has nothing to do with the fact that i was an addict in my past and that’s going to go into the next little quote once an addict always an addict now i am someone who 100 percent cannot smoke a little weed recreationally use maybe a little bit of crack and i and i choose not to go down the road of drinking and possibly you know being completely out of control which is what happens with me and i’m aware that i have this disease that when i take a drink right or i alter my mind the phenomenon of craving develops in me immediately and i don’t know what’s going to happen from then on however the way that i’m living my life now with almost five years clean and sober i do not i never you will never hear me say i am an addict you will always hear me say i am a recovered addict if i’m going to be identifying myself i am not identifying myself with my sickness anymore because i’m no longer sick i’m no longer sick in the way that i was if anybody knew me back then and they see me now they can tell something dramatically different is going on in my life they can tell something dramatically different is going on internally inside of me and that was what the whole disease was it was a battle inside it was a battle in my mind it was a battle in my heart and in my spirit that i couldn’t get control of i couldn’t get control of myself in any way i had to go get drugs i had to do whatever i had to do to go get drugs and i am not in that position anymore so why would i identify that i am i believe that if we say i am an addict that means that we’re saying that we’re sick we’re still sick and and guys if you have recovered from this thing if you’re not using drugs and alcohol anymore if you were if you were in an addicted state where you were completely hopeless mind body and spirit you couldn’t stop using drugs and you found a way to stop using drugs you have recovered you have recovered there’s no reason to call yourself an addict and affirm that you are an addict if you have recovered because it it causes more more affirmation inside of us that you know we have to worry about it we have to continue to worry about it and i understand you know i understand that i’m not going to use drugs again i’m not going to drink again because i can’t right but there’s so many other things that i’m able to identify as now in my recovery i’m i’m an author i’m a speaker i’m a child of god i i love people you know i i’m an athlete i’m now i’m getting back into fighting like i i get to identify as all of these things that i couldn’t when i was so sick i had all of these identities these things that i wanted to be these things that i wanted to do but because i was an active addict i couldn’t do any of it and now in my recovery i’m a recovered addict absolutely i was sick as heck but it’s been five years it’s been five years since i’ve stuck a needle in my arm took a drink of alcohol you know snorted a line anything and in that case i would much rather affirm that that was in my past and move into my new identities i’m a paddle tennis player i’m an mma fighter i train muay thai i’m a runner i’m i’m an athlete i’m an entrepreneur i’m a i’m a speaker i you know these things are are so much more valuable to who i am now than to affirm to myself that i’m an addict okay

you’re an addict just like everyone else in here and

i get that i get that and again these things that i’m pulling up we are contextualizing them we’re bringing them up to understand more about them so that we don’t internalize them in the wrong way you’re an addict just like everyone else in here and when i was going into these rooms and i was seeing people with you know 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 years and i’m seeing them affirm that they’re an addict just like me then what am i what am i going after that they have if they’re an addict just like me what is it about their identity about their life that i’m trying to get to if they’re an addict just like me if they would say i was an addict just like you i was an addict just like you i used to be completely out of control i used to be addicted to drugs i used to do this i used to rob people i used to do all this stuff if we were affirming that we understand where you are because we were there i get that but if we’re identifying in our long-term recovery that we’re we’re an addict just like you that’s that’s not doing the most powerful thing for us to internalize it’s not internalizing the power of recovery if we are if we’re saying these things we have an opportunity in our recovery to be somebody completely and totally different and god bless everybody in long-term recovery that keeps coming back and keeps showing us that it’s possible but us that are coming back we need to be passing the message along to the people in there that we love we love addicts coming in that are struggling right we need to pass on the power of recovery to them we need to pass on that i’m a recovered addict i’m i’m someone that was there i’m someone that had this going on in my life i’m someone that you know was super sick but look i’m not that person anymore i’m i’ve recovered from that state and now i’m doing this and i’m doing this and i’m doing this i wrote a book i started a company i do live videos i do these things and i identify as that person so i can bring power and hope to our community and i believe that it’s it’s every single one of us is doing something in our recovery that we were not able to do in our addiction every single person watching this right now you are doing something that someone in addiction and active addiction wishes they could do so we need to identify ourselves as someone who has recovered and is able to do the things that we couldn’t do when we were addicted and if we identify as that person who used to be this person the people that are over here are going to find way more hope to get over here but if we’re constantly talking about you know once an addict always an addict you’re an addict just like me i’m an addict just like you if we’re constantly talking like that then what is there to change for what are we trying to change into i i want freedom from this thing give me freedom freedom let’s go good morning bethany good to see you good to see you identify with powerful purpose amen brother amen the 12 steps saved my life accountability was brought into my life i’m able to be responsible for my part in any situation amen me too brother good to see you ernie always good to see you bro thank you i hate the thought of once an addict always an addict i’m no longer addicted and i don’t want to say i’m an addict yes to me that indicates that i still have an act of addiction thank you for a different wording that’s a bit more comfortable amen and that’s that’s interesting that’s interesting that she ends that with thank you for a different wording that’s a bit more comfortable what you’ll find is that a lot of people in recovery are uncomfortable with this conversation it used to be at the founding of recovery we identified as people who have recovered from this disease we identified as people who had who were here but we have recovered to be here and when we were doing that we were sharing the power of god with people we were sharing the power of this of this 12-step program we were sharing the power of the spiritual principles that caused us to become a totally different person we’re able to do that in recovery and if we’re passing that to people that are struggling we’re going to have a much higher success rate people that come into the rooms and hear if if you want what we’ve got then then you got to do what we did you know and and then these people are talking about uh you know i’m just fighting at work i’m fighting it at home my my dog died and you know and they’re talking about these things but if you want what we’ve got do what we did you know nah man it doesn’t work it doesn’t work what do i want that you’ve got we need to be talking from a place of power from a place of being recovered in a place of you know i get that it’s not all rainbows and butterflies and bunnies in recovery but if we are focusing on the good we’re focusing on the gratitude we’re focusing on the things that we have gained in our recovery and we’re sharing about those constantly and the people that are struggling are going to have something to seek their teeth into something that they want to get something that they want to do the work for i had to find something that i wanted to do the work for at the time i really just wanted to be free from drugs i really just wanted to be free from drugs but when i was going into a into a room where everybody was saying you know they’re an addict just like me they’re the same as me and i’m sitting here and none of these people have ever done heroin or or nobody in this in this room that i’m that i’m at they’re telling me i’m the same as everybody else and none of them have been kicked out of a homeless shelter they get where i’m at i understand where you’re at you know and and they don’t contextualize it for me to talk about the feelings the emotion the thoughts the the the ways that the disease actually manifests because the circumstances around our life when we’re in active addiction they’re different for everybody across the board so what we can identify with is the way that somebody feels and thinks and acts in addiction we can identify with that but i can’t identify with with a rock bottom being in prison i was very close but thank god i didn’t go and i can’t identify with a dui i just didn’t get one i was lucky i didn’t get a dui and i can’t identify with these things now am i gonna am i gonna share my story and say what happened to me where i ended up that i was found dead behind the wheel of a car that i was kicked out of a homeless shelter that i was you know all these circumstances that were going on in my life yes but as i’m sharing those i’m going to be sharing the way that i felt the way that i thought and the way that it made me act because those three things are what every real addict and real alcoholic can identify with we have to talk about the internal struggle that we were having because in reality that’s the only real thing that we’re all the same with that that really have this disease we’re all the same with the internal battle that we’re facing the hopelessness of not being able to stop drugs and alcohol because of the way that we think feel and act that’s what we got to talk about

all right all of you are inspiring to this new life we were all given when we embraced the change amen brother powerful power of purposeful recovery yes that makes so much sense adam thanks brother love you bro agreed my thing is i am a grateful recovering addict amen personally i can’t say i’m recovered because my disease will say good then let’s have a little bit because you recovered just my personal position chris i hear what you’re saying i i am and you you probably weren’t here at the beginning of the show when i was when i was talking more about what recovered means and it’s different than cured when i say recovered i’m talking about recovered from the hopeless state of mind body and spirit where i couldn’t stop using drugs i couldn’t i’ve recovered from that to where i have stopped using drugs but it’s it’s like a remission it’s like i can’t use i can’t take a sip of alcohol i’m not someone that can recreationally smoke crack i can’t occasionally bang a little meth that’s not me but i’ve recovered from this place where i am unable to stop using drugs and alcohol i’m ruining my life i’m tearing my life down i’m harming everybody around me i have recovered from that person and i choose that i i tell people that and the best way that i’m able to do that is i i’m a recovered addict and i i don’t believe that i am no i’m not i’m not recovering from addiction and alcoholism anymore i’m not constantly working on recovering from that state because i have recovered from that state now in my recovery i’m working on constant progress i’m working on how do i develop as a human being how do i how do i grow to be able to help more people how can i serve god and his people better that’s my focus now i’m not focusing on recovering from a disease that i’ve recovered from and what i’ve found for myself is that focusing on growth development relationship with god serving people uh that and personal development all of this without thinking about recovering from addiction i’m not thinking about it anymore i’m thinking about this stuff so much that you know i i’m i’m working on this and i don’t have to i don’t even have to worry about relapse i don’t have to worry about using or anything that i say that will make me use because i’m i did a really solid first step any 12 steppers out there i had a very solid first step i was completely powerless my life was completely unmanageable and i needed help there was there was nothing i could do so maybe that’s maybe that’s why i’m so clear on on being recovered because i have such a solid first step that there was nothing i could do something happened that made it so i’m free from drugs and alcohol and if that’s the case from that first step i had sitting in a car asking god to let me die because there’s nothing i can do i’ve tried everything on this planet then then there has to be something that can help people recover once and for all i don’t believe that there’s anything that will ever take me back to active addiction anything that will ever take me back to a drink or a drug or anything and i affirm that constantly because not only do i believe it but i want it i want to always be in this place of recovered sober clean and able to serve people that were where i was i’m never going back there period

what’s what’s i’m going different in my recovery i am taking action to becoming a recovery coach let’s go bro that’s next month i believe right you’re starting in october i will help other people with the disease of addiction amen amen come on yes agreed thank you amen yes you are recovered amen understand it better thanks awesome chris love you brother yes you’re so right that’s where we relate is thoughts feelings actions our commonality is it’s an internal battle yes underlying causes conditions changing the filter i see the world through amen exactly i don’t know like the filter i saw the world through i never it was it was interesting because i’ve heard a lot of different filters that people see the world through in their active addiction and a lot of it is based on like the the childhood development right the the way that we grew up our family life our environment and for some reason in my active addiction my my lens towards the world was never really different but it was it was i was looking at myself in such a a self-hating way like i couldn’t get this thing together and i just hated myself for it because i see all these people that are living incredible lives these people that are serving so many people i’ve always since i was you know a kid i’ve always wanted to save the world save the world how can i you know help more people how can i give more i was super like in as a kid uh one story that i’ve heard from from my parents that i had a birthday i was like maybe my third or fourth birthday or something like that and we had a little party and i got a present my the present that i wanted so bad at the time i don’t i don’t know what it was but got this thing that i wanted so bad and i was so excited when i opened it up and i i was holding and i was like yes and then i walked over and i gave it to my best friend like here you go like look what i got it’s for you and you know i i don’t know i don’t know why i don’t know why but that’s that’s something that i’ve always had and i i never lost it in my addiction but the way that i look at myself now the lens that i see myself through now is completely different than the way that i saw the world or the way that i saw myself in addiction and i think that you know it’s one or the other for us we’re either looking at ourselves and and self-deprecating hating ourselves blaming ourselves for everything or we are projecting all of that that we actually believe internally onto others and we’re thinking that person harmed me and it’s their fault i’m doing this that person did this and i’m i’m my probation officer did this and pointing to other people and it’s an incredible thing to change and i know we had that we had that long conversation ernie and i’m i’m super proud of everything that you’ve done i’m super proud of your your goals and and what you’re going to do and your recovery and what you’re doing right now man i just i love this community i love you guys we are going to be right back after a quick 30 second break see you guys soon what’s up recovered on purpose family i hope you’re enjoying this episode as much as i do when i’m making them guys if you’re getting any value from this if you’re seeing any golden nuggets that you want to share with your community make sure that you are you’re sharing it with your groups you’re sharing it with your personal page or your pages or to that one person that you’re thinking of right now and their messenger so that they get this message and guys the brand new recovered on purpose website is up and it has a whole bunch of different merchandise and resources and the free calls with me so make sure you’re checking out recoveredonpurpose.com after the show and if you are a loved one of an addict if you have a kid that’s suffering an addiction i’m now doing free calls that we can strategize and find out how we can get them clean and keep them clean love you guys so much and enjoy the rest of the show amen amen amen yes yes i’m a 12 stepper working them currently amen wendy i know you are we’ve been talking amen ego sees problems love sees solutions amen i love that that’s good yes i’m never going back there amen i know you’re not bro i know you’re not a man adam good conversations love you bro i will always for the rest of my life have a mental illness and be on psychiatric meds unless a miracle happens but i won’t always be an addict i chose to stop that amen jeremiah amen brother and i jeremiah i’m going to tell you right now that i believe in that miracle for you in jesus name i believe that it’s gonna happen i believe press into your relationship with god press into you know if you haven’t yet start reading the bible read the gospels john matthew mark luke and john and start reading what was really going on at that time and the power that we are able to access and if anything else you’re getting a deeper relationship with god but i’m believing for you right now that you can have that attitude adjustments happen for the diligent who focus on gratitude daily eventually drowns the old program in our minds amen sam amen brother amen yes that makes more sense the world was an ugly place to me and i hated myself because i couldn’t get it together amen brother i understand that i understand that so much can be made better when people realize what you just said about self-defeat and negative projection it’s the old prodigal character rearing its ugly head yes amen there’s a story in the bible the prodigal son where he he leaves this you know his his father is a wealthy man wealthy farmer and he leaves that house it takes his inheritance and he goes to this far-off place and squanders everything he’s partying he’s getting prostitutes he’s doing all this stuff squanders all of his money and in that process he’s so ashamed of who he is who he’s become and everything that he literally starts eating slop with pigs he he is so low he gets a job with a farmer and then at times he was so hungry that he just ate the slop with the pigs and then when he came back when he came back to his father he was just like oh if my my dad has all of these all of these servants and all these workers for him they’re getting fed better than a pig so i’ll just go back and work for my dad and he’s just like thinking oh i’m so ashamed i’m so you know whatever and as he’s walking back his dad sees him from far away from far away he’s way out there and as soon as his dad sees him he opens his arms and starts running towards him excited to see him loves him so much he’s dirty he’s grungy he’s sweaty he hasn’t showered in months and his dad just wraps his arms around him i’m so happy you’re home i love you so much let’s throw a party let’s throw a party now if you’re struggling with your identity if you’re struggling with the way that you’re talking to yourself the way that you project onto yourself the way that you think about yourself the best place to find your identity is from god the one who created you and if you haven’t yet read the bible for yourself check it out and don’t read from the beginning of it till the end really hard to do and you don’t get the same effect as someone in the new covenant go to the new testament start you know matthew mark luke and john and just start reading it for yourself you don’t have to tell anybody you’re reading it you don’t have to tell anybody just just look at it for yourself see what it says for you and what you’ll find is that a lot of the things that you’ve heard about it a lot of the things that you know have been projected or taught or things like that about it weren’t necessarily meant for you they may not have been messages meant for you because that bible was written for you it’s a love letter to you in a love letter to me and a love letter to samuel in a love letter to diana and jeremy and ernie and everybody personally so you’ll find a really cool few chapters for yourself that will change your life i promise you it just happens diana quit meth cold turkey five months ago let’s go let’s go celebration lights let’s go this is the first thing i’ve joined i have to wait another month before i can start working at our local rehab facility because they don’t want any of the patients to be a trigger for me i understand where they are coming from but i left my trigger when i left my husband an addiction at the same time he was and is in yet another meth psychosis and my life depended on leaving diana i am proud of you i’m proud of you for making that decision for your life um it’s a big deal it’s a big deal a lot of people will will never recover because they won’t leave the relationship they won’t leave those friends they won’t leave that that group or that single person that is keeping them in that addiction and keep working on yourself keep focusing on yourself keep focusing on your on your progress keep focusing on you know building a program that works for you and here’s here’s the thing i i believe in every form of recovery that someone has done to recover once and for all i also believe that especially in early recovery and early recovery is you know two years and under and in that time we want to build some kind of new program of living something specific that we’re doing differently than we did in addiction rather than just quitting drugs because if we don’t change all the other things in our life if we’re just cold turkey from drugs and we don’t change all these other habits that were forming us into somebody that would do drugs when presented then we’re in danger sometime in the future of going back so in in my belief we need to do something i love fellowship getting around a community getting around people that have a common goal whether it’s a church community or a recovery community fellowship or even some kind of hobby if you decide that you want to you know for instance anime gym a group of people coming together with a common purpose will will cause us to have a more powerful identity to work towards than someone who quit drugs and diane i’m super proud of you it’s a really big deal and it’s a powerful step to to do for your own life so i’m proud of you yes sir amen i would like to talk to you about my oldest boy strategy and such i’ve tried so hard to get through to him i get it ernie send me a message brother fax adam thanks for saying that turn to the bible and find out for yourselves yes congratulations i love what you just said about reading the bible stop making the bible about what others think or say it is just go read it for yourself and what you will find is truth that’s uncommon in this world amen congratulations yes yes yes yes okay we’re going to go to

you’re an addict just like everyone else in here and this one i understand that if someone is struggling in their addiction and they think that they are that you know that no one could possibly understand what i’m going through you know i’m i’ve struggled with this i’ve been you know i’ve been molested i’ve been i’ve been hurt as a kid i’ve you know i’ve witnessed my my friend get killed and you know you couldn’t possibly understand all these reasons why i’m using you know i understand that you know we say that you’re an addict like everyone else in here in that moment but when someone is saying that that no one could possibly understand them we have to talk to them from a place to make it so that they feel understood we a lot of times like we i personally i won’t i won’t let somebody spew on me when they’re high or drunk just because it does not have the same effect but if someone is in their first second third fourth fifth day and they just feel like no one could possibly understand them like i will ask question after question after question after question so that they not only feel understood but so that i actually understand because if we go into a place with someone that is still struggling that’s in very early recovery like three four five days if we go into that conversation to understand them rather than be understood about how great recovery is and you know how the obsession left once and for all which is a perfect message at the right place but if someone is struggling with the fact that they’ve been through too much for anybody to understand we need to sit down and let them tell us everything that they’ve been through because it’s it’s very very likely that we will be the first person that they’ve ever done that with could you imagine being the first person that someone who is so deep so so sick so spiritually sad being the first person that sat with them and let them unload everything that they’re feeling and thinking and what they’ve been through and in that process if you seek to understand where they’re coming from why they would think that nobody could possibly understand you know and then they tell you some of the deepest and the worst experiences that they’ve been through you’ll come from a place of like okay i really do understand why they would think that you know but hey bro i just want to let you know you’re not the only person that that’s happened to um you know this happened to me but i happen to know someone in the fellowship that that’s happened to also and maybe i can connect you and him you know maybe i can connect you to have a conversation because i i think that you guys would understand that place really well together and that’s what’s beautiful about getting to know our communities in recovery getting to know each other’s stories getting to know each other’s traumas and each other’s triumphs right if we get to know these things then when we meet someone that we know that they would work well with this person we can connect them i don’t know how many times like literally i and i actually have a specific story i was i was at the time i was in denver i was sponsoring like four or five people at the time and i just i and with my sponsees i work diligently with them spend a lot of time with them so i could not take on any more at the time and i was i was standing outside of the of the recovery you know building after a meeting and a newcomer who had never been to a meeting before starts walking out starts walking out and like trying to kind of be lined out of there and i was like hey and i said his name and i was like come here i was like what’s going on in your life and i just started asking questions and stuff and i was like oh didn’t you hear that you had to get a sponsor and he was like i don’t know how i don’t know what that is i was like ask him to sponsor you and i pointed over at this dude that i knew had just moved to the city and was looking for a sponsee because he had like six seven eight nine years clean but he just moved from new york and didn’t have any sponsors here and pointed them to him and because i knew that he had good recovery and they did the work together and i didn’t see them i didn’t see the the newcomer again until like four and a half months later and when i saw him four and a half months later he came up to me and he was like dude like i was gonna drink that day i was gonna go drink that day and i did the work with this person and i’m still here i haven’t i haven’t drank or used i’m on step nine i’m doing my immense you know and and that’s the power of a recovery community and it had nothing to do with me it’s all about god but when we trust each other when we know each other we know that this person could be sent to this person i trust this person to help them right i can’t personally take that on right now but this person can and trusting that they’re going to do it i mean it’s a beautiful place to come from and when we’re talking about you’re an addict just like everyone else in here right we are we’re talking about the the common problem and the common solution that we have right we’re an addict just like everyone else in here we’ve all had these deep dark struggles but we have a solution for it and when someone comes in and they feel like they’ve never been understood try to understand them period i went off on a little bit of a tangent of a story so hop back in the comments

when reading the bible you learn how to help work on all your character defects amen and you will learn that not all character defects are negative there are positive character defects amen ernie thank you yes hold the space yes holding the space is huge and what that means guys is when we’re listening to someone that is still struggling in their addiction still struggling with you know their thought processes and and they just want to be understood holding a space is literally just sitting and holding a space for someone to talk it’s literally just holding that space for someone to talk and we don’t listen from a place like okay where is it where is the place for me to share my wisdom where is the place that i’m going to be able to drop a golden nugget on them nah we hold a space for this person to feel understood and to be understood we hold a space of listening that’s what that’s what holding a space is and i highly recommend it because it’s extremely rewarding extremely rewarding going into a conversation where someone is hurting feeling never understood feeling you know like no one ever will possibly understand them to a place where maybe they’re crying maybe they’re smiling maybe they feel hope you know maybe they literally tell you this happens all the time all the time for me where someone’s like i i actually feel hope now i actually feel like it like it’s possible now i have that happen all the time just by listening and holding space to someone and then telling them a bit of my story and the cool thing is is that when you’re listening to someone’s story and you’re listening to them tell you everything they’ve been through and different things like that you find the places within your story where you can relate to them like you know i have i’ve been through a whole bunch of stuff a ton of stuff but if someone’s telling me that you know their childhood was extremely traumatic they they’ve been through this and this and this and this and this you know i’m not going to tell them well my childhood was great i was a home run derby hitter at the little league world series i was a state championship uh uh captain football player you know and tell them all this stuff because that’s not going to make them feel related to but when they keep telling their story maybe they’ll talk about you know the time that they stole from their best friend you know then i know okay i’m going to tell him the story about that one time that i stole money from my best friend and cried crawling across the floor to get my best friend’s pants to his to his uh wallet and steal a hundred dollars because i was withdrawing so bad that’s the story i need to share with him that’s how i’m gonna relate with him that’s how i’m gonna touch him to to make sure that he knows that he’s not alone because if we’re focusing on the places where we do relate with someone and i’m talking about the people in recovery i’m not talking about addicts that are still struggling because it’s really hard for them to get to that place we can in our recovery though we can look for the places that we relate and then share those with them because that’s where we we touch their heart you know they’ll forget about all the things they just told us about their childhood that we’ll never understand because we really understand that peace and they’ll feel understood and heard if they feel heard and understood and can relate that’s where that’s where magic happens that’s where we break all the barriers of you know i’m never going to make it there’s nothing i can do and all that you know i’m familiar with the b-line yeah yes amen that’s a that’s the power i love to be a part of amen stay firm in your positive recovery don’t listen to someone tell you that you can’t do something because it won’t work if it’s positive and you not in danger of relapse and it makes you happy just do it stay sober and give back share at all times you feel like you have something to say amen it’s amazing how much we learn by helping others see further down the road than they can currently see themselves selfless service and direction amen and guys we have to talk to them about the time that we were where they are because if someone’s getting up let’s say someone’s getting up on a stage and just talking about i have 10 million dollars and i do this investment because i have so much money that i’m buying this and i’m buying this and i’m buying this you know us in the crowd are just like well i don’t have 10 million dollars to be investing so what the heck are you going to teach me you know but if someone gets up there and they they start with you know i was uh it was 2008 and i lost everything and i was you know what my credit was shot i had to file bankruptcy i was 500k in the hole and had a 480 credit score whatever and then they talk about how they built from there step by step you know that’s where someone is going to be able to relate to and then at the end they’re like no i have 10 million dollars and i’m investing in this and i’m investing in this you know if we start with where we’re at now you know and we don’t do it in a way where we’re tying it into where we were it’s a really hard time to relate to somebody that has no idea what you’re talking about no idea i found an amazing church finally full of many in recovery there’s no judgment from anyone it feels like home so much so that next sunday i’m getting baptized in the yellowstone river let’s go wendy let’s go i was baptized in the yellowstone river myself my best friend brendan baptized me on august 28 2017 and uh it took me what august september october it took me two months and eight more days to find recovery to finally get completely freed and one day i know that you’re already in recovery i’m super proud of you just want to let you know that i was baptized in that same river super proud of you super excited for you welcome welcome welcome to eternity all right now i said at the beginning that we’re going to be talking about new self new purpose and forgiving self so i think that we’ve covered quite a bit of new self new purpose our new self has a lot to do with the way that we are showing up to the world the way that we are you know we have a purpose of helping people get from where we were to where we are that’s that’s life’s purpose to help cut the time back of other people struggling the way that we struggled ease the suffering of other people that’s our purpose right now forgiving self forgiving self the only way the only way that i can what’s up eugene good to see you bro been a minute um the only way that i can really really talk about this specific topic forgiving self is with practical steps like legitimate practical steps to forgiving self and steps to forgiving self and practical steps to forgiving self means that there are actions that we have to take it’s not a place that we come to in our mind by thinking about it we just we just can’t do it because a negative thought is like seven times more powerful than than a positive thought so if we’re think trying to think positively and then oh i did that oh my gosh i’m so ashamed of that oh wait positive positive positive oh shoot i did that we’re and we’re just having this constant mind battle it never works we’ll never end it so if you if you’re a 12-stepper doing a legitimate amends to yourself not just a living amends and the way that i have my sponsees do this is i have them write down every amends before they’re doing it and send it to me just so i can correct anything like because we don’t make it about ourselves like i feel so ashamed that i did this you know because you’re actually if you do that when you’re going into a men’s you’re looking for sympathy on you in order to make it easier for you to make the amends so what we do is we state what we’re doing we ask if it’s okay that we do it because we feel that we’ve harmed them and then all we do is say exactly what we did to harm them the actions we took to harm them and the effect the harm that it caused to them so maybe uh i you know i stole a hundred dollars from you and it broke our trust it made it so that you can’t trust me um it made it so you couldn’t spend that hundred dollars on something else um you know and go into the the the effects that it had right and doing this for yourself and truly writing it down writing everything that you feel you did to yourself to cause harm what you did to others to cause harm and doing like as long as you need to getting everything out and then standing in front of the mirror and reading it to yourself i know that that seems wishy-washy or whatever whatever but until you do it you will not know the effect it truly has to truly make amends to yourself and then ask yourself for forgiveness look yourself in the eyes and say will you forgive me for all these things that we did in my past and you can answer yourself and talk to yourself and you know it’s a really really good first step to this process and depending on depending on how deep it goes there might be tears there might be you know a lot of emotions that come up but you got to be willing to do that you got to be willing to let all of this stuff that’s bottled down deeper and deeper and deeper to come out however it’s going to come out and it will change your life change your life tanya coming in with 333 days clean brian ohio let’s go 333 that’s the angel number let’s go angel number 333 something amazing is going to happen for you today tanya super happy that you are here and we are just about to close up i love you guys this has been awesome amends is where we ask what can i do to make my wrongs towards you right amen exactly exactly and you know

man that’s i didn’t do that i didn’t do that with myself because i figured that i already knew the answer to that that is something that i always you know spawn sees and we’re making amends to other people we state you know what we did to harm them and then i have people say have i left anything out and when you ask have i left anything out you’re just silent you just let them say whatever they need to say and then how can i make this right that’s it that’s all men’s is that’s all men’s is love you family love you adam love you jeremy i have to take my favorite hero of all time out for his birthday my father amen he gave me life and i’ll never forget that hope everyone has a great rest of the weekend peace and love godspeed amen love you too love you too love you all love you all enjoy your labor day and love you guys have an amazing amazing week i will see you wednesday morning same time same place keep living we’re covered on

As seen on

Relapse Prevention Worksheet