S.Y.L: Say You Love

It is not only Crystal Lavender’s birthday, but she launched her book S.Y.L Say You Love today!

Crystal is a student in the Recovered On Purpose program and has an amazing story of overcoming extreme childhood sexual trauma, abuse and addiction.

Her goal is to help other addicts that have suffered like her, or others that are suffering like she did, to find the hope and healing in recovery and a life with God!

Come join us to celebrate her birthday and book launch!

To support her launch and pick up your $0.99 copy of S.Y.L go to: https://amzn.to/3C3JdnR

To get the free Recovered On Purpose Relapse Prevention Worksheet go to: https://bit.ly/FreeRelapsePreventionWS

Read The Transcript Below

what’s up recovered on purpose family I am so glad you are here for this special episode of the recovered on purpose show guest Sundays I have my good friend and recovered on purpose Sister Crystal lavender here to share not only her birthday today but she launched her book today guys I am so excited that you are here enjoy the show and keep living recovered on purpose black represents the darkness from which we came the white represents the light in which we now live and the bread represents the passion it takes to live recovered on purpose

what’s up everybody happy happy Sunday I am so glad that you are here this is a really exciting episode I’m super happy to uh to be introducing you to my friend Crystal lavender a lot of you have seen her in posts in comments and things like that she’s always coming in and encouraging everybody and Krista Lavender is a student of the recovered on purpose program a childhood sexual trauma Survivor a recovered addict and the author of say you love triumph over the darkness of childhood sexual trauma and addiction not only is it Crystal’s birthday today but she just launched her book today and came to join the community and share this special day with us super excited you guys are here and we have Crystal Crystal what’s up Crystal hi happy birthday so good thank you very much yeah I’m so excited that you’re here Jake coming in what’s up Jake good to see you brother good to see you December congratulations Crystal lavender so proud of you December is a a student in the course also good to see you here and Crystal tell me what you’re feeling right now tell me how it feels today I’m excited I am really content and happy like I’m genuinely just chilling in my happiness and my um and my birthday you know like it’s a celebration on so many different levels like I’ve been given my inner child a hug all day today like you know like we did it you know amen what does that look like to give your inner child a hug

just literally giving yourself a hug I love it I love it so I get really good hugs yeah yeah and I know that you’ve been you’ve been you know following or covered on purpose for quite a long time now and you were in like that first that first challenge of write your book in a month and you’ve wanted to do this for so long and the day is here and I’m just super super proud of you super excited for you so yeah yeah what are you what are you feeling with uh with now you’re a published author like what does that feel like explain it to everybody that’s listening um it feels like I can do anything that I’ve ever tried to put my mind to like anything that I’ve ever really wanted to accomplish that there’s absolutely no reason for me not to be able to accomplish that amen amen I love that so much Aaron coming in from Australia goodbye everyone good day good day so tell us a little bit about uh the process that you went through to write this like tell us about you know what you were doing what was that like two years ago in the challenge uh and then what it’s been like to be in the course and write this book how’s that process and the challenge the challenge has kind of sparked the idea you know like it was like oh wow I could do that you know so it kind of like just gave me some inspiration and and like planted a seed inside my head like okay like you could write a book with you know like these are the steps that you do this with and so I kind of started um uh very enthusiastically at first you know like I would I would um sit there and write with you know some of my friends I did it all on my phone so it was um a talk to speech like I had this app called my story and I would write down stuff in my book and then I would talk it to my phone so I literally did the entire process on my phone wow and that goes to show that like there’s there’s some people that just you know they say they can’t do it because of this they say that they can’t do it because they don’t have this and you’re saying that you actually wrote your whole book in a phone yeah right I wrote it um got it published I um did the whole the cover process all of it from my phone amen amen and who’s land the lavender that is my mother what’s up mother good to see you thanks for being here Patricia’s coming in saying hey as well so let’s get into your story you know because obviously well why did you share your why did you share your story why did you write this book what was it that that made you want to do this um in all honesty it was your testimony like you yeah your testimony is what what saved me so um I figured if it was a testimony that saved me then um there’s somebody out there that needs to hear mine like there’s so much out there there’s so much that you’ve said that just has hit home to me and you know has like planted these seeds of of like wow and okay like let’s do this let’s get it you know and like maybe um I can be that person and um and I just feel like on my deathbed if I don’t if I didn’t do it it was like my it just kept calling me you’re calling me and calling me so I love it I think if if I didn’t do it I would regret it on my deathbed um I love that and thank you for saying that about about my testimony let’s actually let’s actually share this story of when I came down to Colorado Springs let’s share that right now just so everybody knows like why we’re why we’re all connected and and you know this has been going okay so um I had been watching Adam for a while and um I just kind of sit in the backgrounds I would like stuff I would you know say like encouraging things to other people like I was still in the process of of active addiction so I wasn’t completely sober yet but I had started working on it planned on planted those seeds and um you were doing a um uh speech at this Colorado Springs um n a meeting or a meeting I’m not sure if it was N A or a but I was like well I I need to get up there I have to I have to you know go and see this person that like inspired me inspired so much change inside me you know like I was just really bound and determined I mean and I don’t I don’t go anywhere like I hardly ever leave my house it’s you know it’s really difficult for me to actually be anywhere on time and that that night was no exception so I showed up late and um I walked up to the door and Adam had already been speaking and I could peer through the window and I could see everybody talking and everybody’s sitting in there and there’s like a whole room full of people and I would put my hand on the doorknob and be like no you know like I can’t go in there it’s just gonna disturb everybody and then I would sat down and smoke a cigarette and you know I’d start crying like mad at myself because I couldn’t even be on time for the things that were really important to me and then I would get up and I’d go stand at the door again and be like okay I’m going to open the door this time and I wouldn’t open the door you know and finally this guy saw me through the window and like motioned for me to come in and um I almost took took a book for I almost booked it you know I was like oh crap busted you know so then he opened the door and he was like hey come in and the only spot available was in the very front freaking row um like right in front and very front I was like oh [ __ ] excuse me I was like oh man like very front row so and then I sat there nervously and um then I had a very huge welcome like it was very very welcoming I like I don’t even know why I was so scared to begin with you know like I was so scared to go to that meeting I was so scared to walk inside it and everybody was so welcoming and um yeah amen amen and I remember that very very well because we were talking you were gonna you were gonna comment everything and I was excited for you to come and it was right it was like near the end that you walked in and uh yeah it was it was a great feeling for me also you know and that’s what I think is so beautiful about us sharing our testimonies and sharing our stories of of addiction of recovery because you never know where someone’s at that hears your story like even if someone has been in recovery for a long time you know and they hear something in your story that Sparks them to not relapse or you know we have a really high suicide rate with with addicts in recovery that have long term or alcoholics in recovery that have a really long-term uh sobriety date so what what happened after that where did it go after that um well you assigned me a sponsor that um I had no idea about I was like sponsor okay you know like I’m just gonna I’m just gonna smile and Nod like okay cool I’ll do this and um I was invited to dinner and before you left you gave me a book and signed it and um you know gave me a hug you gave me it gave me a real heartfelt hug and you know told me that you were happy that I was there and um then I went to dinner with my new sponsor and the new friends that I had made and um I drove home completely ecstatic and excited about my experience and I wanted to share with my friends when I got home and I started going to um a couple eight like a couple meetings after that I had a friend that um was kind of like really secretly secretly going to meetings and um he was very excited that he had somebody that he could talk to about that so we started going to meetings together and my second meeting was at this church you know and it was I got my first tip you know because I didn’t get a tip at the one that I showed up late to at up there in Colorado Springs but I got my first chip and then the third meeting I went to was it completely blew my mind because um I had no idea where these meetings were my friend would just be like okay well I’m gonna come to your house and we’re gonna go to this meeting and be like all right so he shows up and he’s telling me where to go and I I’m driving and I parked exactly across the street from somewhere that I used to pick up drugs from every single day every day every day I could literally see it wasn’t just the same block it wasn’t on the same corner it was directly across the street from where I picked up every single day and I was mind blown at that point I was like wow this really it’s like I call them receipts from God or from Universe like it was like one of those big receipts like okay you’re you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be I was like all right you know so I went into that meeting and um well it took me a while to go in because I was just kind of mind blown but yeah and then you’ve you’ve stayed recovered was that how what’s your sobriety date now um my sobriety date is February 14th of 2021. amen amen so you’re on you’re coming 20 months sober on the 14th yeah let’s go let’s go so let’s get in your mom says only time she was early was when she was born and that’s that’s part of your that’s part of your story I know that so let’s get into your story so tell us tell us how your addiction started like where did it where did it start well Las Vegas Nevada 1994. um we had just moved into a trailer park off of Washington Avenue it was our brand new start away from our cockroach infested Apartments I was so excited to finally have my own room again you know my 13th birthday came with a lot of new changes like I now have this own my own room and a phone that was not super glued to my head you know and this cute older guy with his own place and own car wanted me of all people to come over so I devised a plan to sneak out of my house and October 1994 just after my 13th birthday I snuck out of my house for the very first time and from the very first time I snuck out of my house was the very first time I’d ever seen it and from the first time I’d ever seen it it came in a brick and at that point he called it peanut butter you know but at 13 years old I thought I’d found the love of my life and we even had the same name you know and um yeah it was definitely um it was like a one shot and I was off I was Off to the Races man yeah yeah and so anybody that is wondering what that name is what were you introduced to that night Crystal so you’re you’re 13 years old you had just turned 13 years old and Miss lavender um plug your ears right but at 13 years old you sneak out and when you say that there’s a guy with his own apartment in his own car and he wants you to come over there what is that what does that mean to you now looking back on that um I definitely was um preyed upon by older gentleman for sure like that was just one of one of the experiences of you know I mean it’s it’s easy to I get caught up in thinking that you know oh these are the cool kids these are what the cool kids are doing you know the older cool kids like um what I think about that now is that um I was preyed upon

I hear that um and how did it how did your life go like before that because your book your book is about uh overcoming childhood sexual trauma and addiction and because and the reason why I asked this I haven’t had you know any any shows where we really dive into this kind of stuff but I know from how many people I’ve sponsored from how many stories I’ve heard that it’s it’s prevalent you know it’s something that a lot of people have dealt with that aren’t um aren’t ready to share it yet for their own reasons for whatever reasons maybe they’re still dealing with it maybe they’re still healing from it but you just put it out today in a book you just put it out in the public so why first off why did you put it out why did you decide to put this part of your story out uh in a book because I felt like my inner child was silenced you know I feel like there are a lot of adults that have an inner child that is screaming for love for to be heard to be knowledge to be validated to you know get some sort of um you know um like feedback you know and I felt like me sharing my story was a complete validation to my inner child like giving my inner child the voice that she never had you know um as being a a survivor of childhood sexual trauma I had a hard time saying no that was like one of the the biggest you know like we were groomed where a lot of us are groomed into don’t you know you can’t fight back you can’t say no you know you’re it’s like this it’s like it was take the the ability to say no was taken at a very early age so um so writing this book um completely has given my inner child a voice and that’s kind of like one of my biggest missions is to help other adults with with silent inner children speak you know because we we have been silenced for a long time you know in fear that it’s what is it going to look like what is it going to do to this person you know like I mean if you love me you wouldn’t tell you know there’s a lot of that that that is happening because most of the time people are abused by people that that are supposedly that they love you know that love them so um when you’re a child you know you don’t want to hurt this person that you know that that you love or that supposedly loves you you know so um we end up we end up silencing our inner child thank you for sharing that and I I feel that so much because you know the the stories that I hear I I personally didn’t go didn’t go through that same kind of trauma but the stories that I’ve heard are are that you know that’s the that’s the story and what do you what do you think about healing like while you’re healing from it or that you’ve healed from it the process of sharing that story and talking about it being honest about it uh not holding back because you need to protect the person that was your abuser what what role does that play in a healing for you that plays plays a very huge significant role you know because like I said for so long like I was quiet I kept my mouth shut it was um easier to just disassociate act like nothing ever happened than it was to actually face any sort of you know consequences or um you know not necessarily consequences for me speaking out but you know there’s there’s like fear there you know you’re scared of what people are going to think of you you’re scared of what um the person’s going to think of you you’re scared of what’s going to happen if if it comes out you know not not just to yourself but to your family you know there’s a lot of fear that um that keeps people quiet yeah yeah so I think I think when when people grow up right and they have these traumas in their childhood they have these these things that happen to them in their childhood that they were never able to tell anybody and then that trauma can manifest in addiction it can manifest in homelessness it can manifest in being unable to be honest or being unable to hold the job down or whatever it is how that’s manifesting because we’re silent about what happened and that’s how it’s manifesting out here right so when people are dealing with these things and you know they they haven’t told them yet it’s it’s time right now if you’re listening and you have something that you know you’re holding in it’s it’s time it’s time now there’s someone in your life that you know that you can have a conversation with and Crystal what if what if someone was on this live or someone watched the replay of this and they had an experience that they needed to share with someone could they reach out to you absolutely absolutely 100 say it wholeheartedly like I am absolutely all about that amen you know even if it’s just for somebody to listen you know like just so somebody hears their story so you know and not to judge not to try to fix not to you know try to control you know or any of that just just to listen amen Amen in a a good uh you know a good intro into the next story I want you to tell is is that fact you know these things were going on in your childhood and it was manifesting in a certain way that that actually ended up putting you on National Television am I right yeah I was on Sally Jesse Raphael when um just before just before I graduated my fifth grade year um they might they you know they’re like oh does your daughter look older than she is and is driving you crazy and my mom called them and um they for flew us first class from Grand Junction to New York they picked us up in a giant big stretched limo you know drove us around like um I was super excited to be there you know I was really super excited like there was all these other girls there’s Misty Francis and Tamara and you know we had went shopping the night before and or before we left and we had all these brand new clothes and you know um then we get to the studio and they separated me from my mom and they dressed us like [ __ ] they’d just be like a [ __ ] and tried to stuff my bra and put on this makeup on me and um threw us out on stage and there were guys on um in the audience that were like antagonizing us you know well if you dress like that then you know what do you expect type of deal and um it was really it was really disheartening you know for I was super excited to be there and then for them to just um dress us and portray us as these like young [ __ ] you know um was was disheartening and what what do you mean by disheartening what did that actually do to you um and when I when I asked that I want to go a little deeper um when they when they did that do you think that what do you think the intentions were and what do you think they saw you and those other girls as they saw us as profit you know they saw us views the sauce is profit they saw that if you know we had they had these young girls that they could dress however they wanted and send us out on stage you know that it would it would pull in their profit margins you know and they it wouldn’t surprise me if you know the guys that were in the audience were like paid antagonizers because I know that that does happen um to to kind of stir the pot you know um I mean it was a daytime talk show kind of like Jerry Springer you know that’s one of their favorite things so um it made me realize that definitely not everything that you see on even reality TV is real and that um I felt very sexualized yeah okay and how did that affect you when you went home like when you had that experience because how you were in fifth grade so you were what 10 11 12 years old something around there yeah around there I think I was 12. and by this time you had already been dealing with some sexual trauma right oh yeah yeah yeah yeah what was what was the age that it started um it was I was three okay um when um yeah you sure if you like

um well I mean if if you read my book then you’ll know but yeah it started at three yeah we’ll leave it there um so for about seven eight nine years and then you literally get brought on to a national television screen right and in their you know antagonizing you they’re dressing you up a certain way they’re they’re you feel like they were kind of almost like solidifying an identity like like you had to be silent to help your your loved ones you know like you were saying earlier and then you get brought out and they’re trying to stuff your bra they’re they’re dressing you up like this what did that do to you all of that put together and then you move back home after that episode where’s your mind at at that point

to be honest I was there was a lot going on all at the same time like we were my um mother my dad and my dad had married my or was living with my mom’s best friend and me and my mom and my little brother were about to move to Las Vegas Nevada so um there was a lot going on in my mind um but I definitely remember that it I felt very just um yeah like that’s my identity you know like it becomes your identity of like that’s what boys want that’s what that’s what the public wants that’s what you know that’s what the the TV wants that’s they want you to act like this they want you to be this way you know that’s what gets the attention type of deal yeah so when I moved to Vegas um I started right away hanging out with some of the worst kids I could find you know um ditching school and drinking with older gentlemen that would um go and purchase us liquor you know and I never really thought anything about it at the time like it was just like oh you know like this is just the normal thing um it wasn’t until I got older that I realized like how inappropriate a lot of the things that I’d experienced as a young teenager and a little girl were very like they were just really inappropriate you know yeah but at the time I had no idea yeah and it was it was very shortly after that show that you actually uh went to Las Vegas and had your 13th birthday yes yeah yeah we moved directly like we came home from Grand Junction we came home from New York to Grand Junction and then immediately moved to to Las Vegas and um it was me and my mom and my little brother and we showed up like sight unseen and we walked in at two o’clock in the morning and there was like two inches of cockroaches all over the ground you know I remember my mom just crying um it was it was in a definite rough transition you know and the apartments that we lived in and we it it there was cops there the the show Cops like they came to that apartment complex at least twice um let’s go cops yeah wow yeah the TV the the cameras follow you girl

it’s time we’re switching it around now from Sally Jesse Parker and and cops to the recovered on purpose show and Recovery podcasts and making videos and helping people I’m all about the naked videos and helping people like out of everything I thought everything that I’ve done I think this is the most um the most rewarding yeah amen so tell us more about did you have more about Vegas that you wanted to share more about the the life in Vegas I lived there from the time I was 12 till right before my 18th birthday so I remember I had my 18th birthday in um Pueblo so maybe right around 17. but I lived on the streets in Vegas I was a very I was a um definitely up to no good um I was Hell on Wheels um there was no control over me whatsoever like I would run away from home to go be with like older older gangster boys and um I would I was doing all kinds of drugs and like I had at one point um fell asleep at my grandmother’s house for four days straight you know and didn’t get up to pee didn’t get up to nothing you know like I could literally touch my pinky around my wrist all the way to my middle knuckle you know and I can’t even touch my my pinky on my wrist no more me neither you know so I was skinny enough to touch my my pinky around to my middle knuckle um it was you know we lived in a studio bedroom apartment right next to the stratosphere you know we had hooker red shag carpet my next door neighbors were prostitutes um it was definitely um a rough area to live in I mean on Las Vegas Boulevard you know at 14 years old is is rough you know absolutely and so you’re there for your teenage years you’re running away you’re kind of staying away from home you’re partying with gangsters and stuff and that that kind of happened after you got introduced to you know Crystal right oh yeah right after you got introduced oh yeah you’re like let’s go yeah oh yeah oh yeah let’s go let’s not stop let’s just keep going you know um I I yeah I went and ran with that for sure for a lot of years all the way until I turned 21 when I found out I was pregnant with my son you know and then um I stayed clean for about 15 years after I had my kid you know I had gotta I was in a band I was a lead singer for a punk rock band like I um had my own tattoo shop I got a degree in Machining there was a lot that I did while I was sober the first time and then I went you know toxic relationships are probably like the codependency the not loving myself like being in a toxic relationship with somebody was probably my other addiction like I would say that I’m in boy rehab like I’m I’m like I’m in dating rehab I’m not doing that because um I seem to put myself in a lot of positions by trying to fill some sort of void that I I thought I had you know when in all reality like I’ve had the love within me I’ve had the love outside of me the whole time I just didn’t really know it so I always try to fill it with um a relationship like and I ended up in some pretty toxic ones for sure yeah and where do you think that stems from um from like definitely from the abuse that I received when I was a child like the sexual abuse that I received you know um it it I didn’t I used to think that I was invincible and destructible that none of that ever bothered me you know I went through my whole life thinking that oh whatever you know so what they did this so what this happened to me like it didn’t mess with me you know I’ve got this and um then I realized that no like the majority of the decisions that I had made stemmed from the fact that I was abused as a child you know um I it it it totally destroyed my ability to make um proper decisions you know and proper choices in in love and relationships and um yeah it definitely affected my decision-making abilities yeah all right guys we’re going to take a quick 30 second break and when we come back we’re going to talk about her journey when she came back with her kids and we’re going to talk about her recovery and we have a couple surprises that Crystal doesn’t even know about so we’ll see you in just uh 30 seconds and lucky you I’m doing the commercial live today so uh if you guys are enjoying this episode make sure that you are sharing it with your pages on your page share it with the uh the person that you’re thinking of right now in their messenger that they need this message also I am doing free calls with anybody that wants to be in the course like Crystal has done uh the recovery speakers share your story powerfully course and if you want to write a book I’m willing to talk about that as well go to the brand new recovered on purpose website recoveredonpurpose.com you can see all kinds of different resources I’ve got the uh the free relapse prevention worksheet there I’ve got my book from chains to saved digital and audio copy totally free for you and then I do do free calls with anybody that’s in recovery that wants to share their story and find out how they can do that as well as with any parents that have addicts that are their kids basically if your kid is suffering with opiate or fentanyl addiction make sure you’re booking a call with me so that can share with you the resources that I have and without further Ado we’ll bring Crystal back in they have a pre-recorded commercial but uh I wanted to do a little a little bit different one today so Crystal I’m just super excited for you I’m super excited you’re here and uh and this has been it’s been a really fun Journey it’s been a really fun Journey with you watching watching you grow watching you progress and you know how long ago was it it was exactly five weeks ago when we made the decision like you are writing and Publishing your book right and that’s my story also I made the decision on September 28th of 2019 that I was writing and Publishing my book for my two years clean and sober that was exactly five weeks later on November 6 2019. what are the odds what are the odds right and uh I have a good example so yeah amen amen and your brother came in I’ve seen people shot stabbed raped passed out with needles in their arm walking to school I was asked if I wanted to buy or sell drugs or even myself everything mentioned in Syl was absolutely truth so yeah that’s what’s that’s what’s beautiful beautiful about these stories like like my my book as well you know the things in there they’re they’re real and the things in your story that’s that’s what’s awesome about sharing our stories is sometimes people will read them and be like what what but it’s true it’s a true story it’s an autobiography and that’s what’s beautiful about doing the the self-publishing also how did you like that process of finding your own your own cover doing your own back uh back cover and writing your own book and making your own decisions what do you think of that I thought that was really like I loved the idea of the competition like I I loved that that was um I was really impressed with all the creativity you know like and um I’m definitely excited about how that came out it came out exactly the way that um I envisioned well not really envisioned but like my soul envisioned I guess like it just felt perfect so um I thought it was really cool the whole process has been has been really amazing I mean there’s not any part I mean there’s some things that you always say man I wish we could do this differently I wish I could do that differently you know um but there’s not anything that I would I could change if I could change it I wouldn’t be where I’m at right now you know I believe that the only mistakes we make in life are the ones that we don’t learn from because we honestly don’t know that something is a mistake then it’s more like a mistake like you’ll get another opportunity to like showcase your growth you know and I don’t ever um like we never know what somebody learns from one time that we see them to the next you know we have no idea what sort of epiphanies what sort of synchronicities have happened what sort of have like um events that have happened in their life you know and a lot of times like we as humans have a tendency to judge people from the last time that we’ve seen them or we encountered them personally so I always like encourage people to not you know not go not not talk to people um in a in in like from their past versions of them you know um to see who they are in their present moment to see you know who they are what they’ve learned in their present because I mean a lot of us are so fixated on our past and so stuck in this repetitive cycle that um we don’t grow because we’re stuck in the past you know but I believe that we live in the past the present in the future simultaneously you know we live in um the present moment of our past thoughts while we’re creating our future you know and that’s why the now is the most important so um I I definitely encourage people to focus on the now you know what they’re thinking right now you know um like when we’re talking to ourselves who do you think you’re talking to do you think I mean are you just talking to yourself no like we’re every time that you’re talking to yourself no matter what it is like like God hears all of that you know we’re we’re not it’s there’s no such thing as Talking to Ourselves like the the things that we speak to ourselves we are speaking into the universe into God With God like so there is no like a loan conversation you know every single thought that you have ever had made negative or positive like there’s no like self-talk it’s I don’t know there’s either ones or zeros zeros or ones I get it amen and there’s a lot of people agreeing with you amen and John thank you brother thank you for uh for letting me be in her life yeah this has been awesome it’s been an awesome ride for me as well so um Crystal your your history is really inspiring amen thanks Samuel uh beautifully put it’s a mistake learn from everything you’re a rock star Chica and you know something that and I know I told you and there’s there’s still a little bit of a Mark here and a little bit of a Mark here but uh MMA I’ll bet I I just I can’t wait anymore you know when I was when I was 19 years old I I was training MMA I’d been training for a while I had I had a fight coming up um and it was like it was my first fight really stoked on it but after Chuck’s suicide I fell really hard into opiates and while I was training one day on my way to training I overdosed for my first time and I woke up in the hospital and I was too embarrassed to go back I was too embarrassed to go to the training center or talk to anybody and I never went back and then I just went deeper and deeper into drugs but I made the decision recently like this has been on my bucket list for so long to compete in MMA and test myself like test my skills in in wrestling test my skills in you know fighting basically and I made the decision a couple weeks ago that I’m training hard and I’m gonna get a fight and I’m gonna do it and congratulations thank you and you know I was actually thinking about it today because when I first moved down here to Columbia I was considering it you know like the first month I was here I was like I need to just get back into MMA I need to do it and it took me six months to actually do it and I was thinking today I was like dang if I would have started it six months ago where would I be right now you know right and I I let that I let that pass real quick because I didn’t want to live in that but I think it’s so interesting when you’re talking about living in the living in the now living in the now because the when we’re thinking about the future and what we’re going to do right if we don’t do the first step right now we’re wasting all the time from this point all the way to that point when we take our first step right and I didn’t want to look back and I was thinking the same thing today like you said you didn’t want to have be on your deathbed and not have written your book not have not have published your book and I didn’t want to have that same feeling with you know what if I would have just competed once how would have I felt you know right and December has a question for you do you think you will write more books absolutely I’ve already been thinking about it um if I write another book I want to write a Choose Your Own Adventure book about emotional um intelligent like emotional responsibility and um like making like choices based off our actions you know like emotional Integrity emotional um accountability you know maybe for like a pre-teens you know um the ones that are the most emotional yeah you know like yeah and what do you think what do you think has inspired you to write a second book like why do you think that you and I have my own answer for that but I’m gonna ask you why do you think you want to write a second book now

process and

I’ve always been really really good with literature and with writing and I think that words are like tools you know they you can read them you can write them then they stick you know I think it’s one of the the best ways to get things to stick to our mind you know so that we take action on them they say you if you write it if you say it and you do it then you’ll remember it forever so um I just I loved the process of writing I love the process of writing I loved this whole experience and um I think it’s definitely something that my soul was called to do so um and what was the what was the hardest part of writing the book like from from you know two and a half years ago till now what was the hardest point of writing the book and then what was the easiest Point part of writing the book the hardest part was trying to decipher um well going through some of the emotional things that I went through trying to figure out how to write them you know um I mean because I understand that I only see things from my perspective you know so I was trying to figure out how to write it without you know um without keeping with like keeping everybody else’s name out out of it about you know trying to hold within my own Integrity in my own you know um like emotional responses you know at first it was hard because um like At first I was writing it for myself and then I started writing it for other people you know like I started thinking about what other people were going to think about this or what you know like well what is this person going to do when I started you know doing it for other people and then I’d I closed myself off you know I got to a certain point where I stopped writing that’s why it took me as long as it did because if I had the same amount of enthusiasm as I did for this last five weeks then I would have got it done like two years ago but I had lost the enthusiasm for it because I started doing it for for other people instead of for like my own my own mission my own my own like inner child you know I stopped listening to my inner child and started listening to the outside voices and um it stopped that process but amen and I you know when you made the decision I saw something change in you also that coaching call that we were on when I was like look we need to change the we need to change the trajectory of this uh you’re writing you’re writing all your speeches and it’s great but it sounds like a book like we shouldn’t we shouldn’t be writing our speeches you need to write your book girl and when you made the decision like yeah I want to publish it for my birthday like something changed in you you know and then on your free time you wrote your book yeah so all of that stuff that you’re talking about right now all those different you know mind traps and and you know writing it for this person writing it for us or I can’t do it because of this or is what is this person gonna think over here or you know can I actually write a book what would people think of me all that kind of stuff you know that’s the hardest part the hardest part is getting to the point of making a decision that hey I’m doing it it’s already done I just haven’t written it yet now I just need to sit down and write it that’s actually the easiest part and as as the listeners of this have heard you say you’ve loved the process like once you actually made the decision to write it writing it was the easy part right yep writing it was the easy part the hard part is shutting this up

amen and your your mom said something that I actually I took back down because uh it was actually really profound you know these are the most words she ever has spoken in her life you know and the whole point of your of your book is sharing your story you know giving your inner your inner child a voice you know and how does that feel to have your mom say that these are the most words she ever has spoken well from someone like my mom talks a lot so I mean compared to who you know so I mean which which comparison are we comparing here I mean but it no I’m I’m very I’m extremely proud and I I love my mom so much you know I couldn’t have imagined being a mother to me like it I was I did some I did some terrible terrible terrible heart-wrenching things you know I I experienced like I put myself in positions that she still has a hard time you know reading and understanding or even wanting to be you know like she doesn’t want to know those are things that moms don’t want to know you know and I couldn’t as a Mom myself I have one child and I could not imagine the type of like pain it must like to see your child do these things you know so I have a lot of respect for my mom because she never gave up on me never ever ever gave up on me um you know she’s perfectly imperfect like we all have our flaws you know but she she definitely did the best that she could from her point and her awareness you know from from the the trauma that she experienced as a child you know um I mean the trauma started way before it was just me so right right and do you think that you sharing your story you being loud about it and bringing awareness to it do you think that that is the first step to breaking those generational chains yep absolutely um I absolutely feel like they’re there’s a first step of breaking the generational like um what do you call it like ancestral curses you know per se or um the the lineage the like I broke I broke the lineage line you know by um there was experience that I had where I was actually um involved with somebody that was doing inappropriate things with his daughter and um it was one of the most terrible heart-wrenching experiences that I’ve ever ever ever ever had to face um but it also gave me um a giant perspective of of how hard it really is to face that reality you know it it gave a lot of forgiveness like through that experience um and healing from it it gave me a lot of forgiveness for um the things that had happened to me as a child you know for the things you know and like a lot didn’t I’m not not blaming my mom or anything like that I never I’ve never blamed my mom well maybe when I was younger but um in my in my healing part I have learned how hard that situation is to face you know there’s a lot of people out there that it’s just so much easier to turn the other cheek to it to not address it to I mean it was um to to think that somebody that you love is doing like the imaginable um to Somebody That You Love Is it’s really difficult and it it definitely um made me understand like how strong of a person you really have to be to um not turn the other cheek to do what’s right like doing what’s right is definitely not the easiest choice you know um yeah and talking about the the generational curses right something else happened during the course of you being in the course uh didn’t you didn’t you turn your life over to someone at some point yes I did I um through this course and through my understanding like um like I figured out I was a starseed you know in a starseed I believe that I’m here to spread unconditional love to the Ley lines of the planet you know and through my understanding of unconditional love I realized that the ultimate teacher of unconditional love was Jesus so um and I had always had this like distaste for the church and for Jesus but how could I how could I preach about unconditional love and what that embodies in Christ Consciousness if I refuse to even look at what Jesus was teaching so um I turned my life over to to Jesus I I’m given I’m giving Jesus a shot you know and I grew up really Pagan so that is a huge um that’s a huge deal for me to be like yeah no I’m I’m going to I’m going to learn more about Jesus and about what his teachings are because I mean if it’s all about unconditional love and that’s really what I feel like I’m you know here to do is to spread seeds of unconditional love and understanding and you know um conscious conscious understanding in forgiveness so and and Jesus was the ultimate teacher of that Jesus is the creator of all things and is the only one that can actually break generational curses the only one the only God and uh I just I just pray that over you right now in Jesus name I just pray all generational curses in in her family and her lineage and all the way up all the way up her lineage also in Jesus name we just we just pray that break right now we cast out any any evil plans in her life or in her family’s life in her lineage all the way down and God we just thank you for answering this right now for calling her and forgiving her this incredible voice this incredible story to testify about you Jesus and we just thank you for that in your name amen amen yes amen girl I’m so excited for you and uh so guys I wanted to wanted to show you something that has also happened today uh we have another story to go over but I wanted to show everybody something that happened today with your launch um and it is check this out whoops whoops whoops wrong one I like that though yeah so Crystal Jean Lavender is now a number one best-selling author and right now she has hit number one in Christian liberation in drug dependency and in sexual assault so she is a number one best-selling author in three different categories right now and uh just just awesome just awesome how does that feel that is amazing yeah yeah made this made this for you because uh you know we have you were number one new release uh in addiction and Recovery I think you’re gonna you’re gonna pop up to number one bestseller and they’re also um and how what do you have to say to your launch Team to everybody that supported you with this I cannot enough there are no words that can Encompass the amount of gratitude that I have for just all of you in my life like you guys are so amazing and you’ve been so supportive and I was so scared to um to publish this and to you know what people were going to think and what what were my friends going to say or what was this going to happen and you guys have been absolutely one million percent supportive in in ways that I didn’t even anticipate you know and I I can’t thank you guys enough

amen and I’m super proud of you this is a really really big accomplishment and the cool thing about about this is for the rest of your life for the rest of your life you are number one best-selling author Crystal Jean lavender and check these check these uh these categories out too like this is exactly who you’re reaching for you’re reaching for people that have suffered from sexual assault you’re reaching for people that have drug dependency issues you’re reaching res you’re trying to reach people in addiction and recovery and and Christian Liberation it’s just just awesome and you’re getting a whole bunch of praises you did it you did it for my birthday on your birthday became a number one best-selling author I just like I I’m what I thought about like what story I was gonna tell my inner child when I thought about like my inner child running up to me when I was in active addiction you know and it devastated me thinking that I was gonna have to tell her well we did this and we did this and we did this and we never did anything about it you know and now I feel like like I’ve given my I like I gave my inner child a voice like I I did something that we can be proud of that when she comes up to me and she’s like what did we do when we grew up when we grow up you know I don’t just have to tell her all of this trauma and all of these hurtful horrible things you know I can say that I turned these things into a blessing amen and I accidentally already snuck it in there but today uh you are now a gotta remove this real quick

you are boom certified certified recovered on purpose recovery speaker uh you get to now you get to share on podcasts you get to share on stages obviously the people have been listening to this listening to your story listening to the way that you speak um you know writing the book was an incredible first step for you um it was it was perfect for you because I’ve seen you light up on this show the way that you speak the way that your your confidence is here you have a message that you want to deliver you have a message that needs to be heard and I believe in you you’re part of this family and I certify you as a certified recovered on purpose recovery speaker now get out there I couldn’t have a better birthday man this is the best birthday I think I’ve ever had ever yes and uh I’m super super proud of you I’m excited to hear thank you so much Adam like for everything you have been selflessly patient with my computer illiterate itself you have been selfishly so not selfishly selflessly there for me anytime that I’ve had a question that that you know I might have thought was [ __ ] um you have 100 like given your all to what you said that you would do and I absolutely appreciate like I I wouldn’t be where I’m at if if it wasn’t for your testimony and for you following your mission you know so I I’m glad that I have a a a wonderful guide um I really appreciate you saying that you’re getting a whole bunch of uh congratulations um Scott wants you to give yourself a high five a sell five five and uh awesome sauce congratulations congrats way to go Adam thumbs up let’s go and uh yeah I appreciate everybody saying all this stuff um guys this is what it’s about this is this is why I do this like crystal is now you’re prepared you know you are you are legitimately I am confident that you have you’ve always had the heart for it you’ve always since I met you you’ve always had the heart from it even in your addiction you had the heart that you wanted to help people and you have not only you have a book but you are prepared to go share your story and help women help men that you know either they want to get clean or they want to heal from things they’ve been through in the past and I’m super excited to watch you continue to grow and uh be here with you during the journey so super proud of you thank you very much and uh Crystal I just I thank you so much for being here I thank you everybody that has that has been on this show uh we really appreciate you and to go out everybody out there let’s sing happy birthday and it’s probably just gonna be me on the show but everybody out there let’s sing Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you happy birthday dear Crystal happy birthday to you yeah amen love you Crystal thank you so much love you everybody and uh keep living recovered on purpose

As seen on

Relapse Prevention Worksheet